Want to Get Unstuck? Try Feeling Your Emotions with Intention.

The bile rumbling around in your belly?

Or even your hands trembling?

This may be your body telling you that emotions have been stirred up in your body, and they are trying to come out through bodily sensations.

Often, these physical reactions are uncomfortable, and it may be due to the discomfort of the emotions that your body is trying to stuff, remove itself from, or fight off.

It is likely because of the physical discomfort that you may try to avoid feeling some or all emotions (yes, even joy).

When you are uncomfortable with your emotions, it can be difficult to truly sit and feel them. You may tend toward avoidance, shutting down, or have a history of trauma when it comes to feeling your emotions.

Read More: “Mindfulness: Ways to Tap Into The Power You Have Within”

Dysfunctional families encourage the don’t talk, don’t trust, and don’t feel rule. If you have learned not to feel growing up, unlearning that pattern can be a challenge.

It is still worth it for your mental health.

When you stuff, fight off, or dissociate from your emotions; you may be practicing habits like substance use, eating disorders, sex addiction, gambling, or accruing debt instead.

You may find yourself caught up in toxic positivity, minimizing experiences, or keeping yourself busy as a way to avoid feeling.

The emotions need to go somewhere, and the unhealthy patterns you are trying to preserve may be the result of that.

Sometimes, you may think that the behaviors you are practicing are easier to cope with than the emotions that you are feeling.

It is not uncommon to continue to practice patterns that no longer serve you because you are trying to keep yourself safe.

It can feel scary to feel. Some people fear they will get stuck in the emotion or feeling. Research and experience shows, that no feeling lasts; all feelings and emotions pass.

When we allow our avoidance of feeling discomfort to drive us, we remain stuck in unhelpful patterns. One of these may be dissociation.

What does it mean to dissociate?

Fear, anger, and sadness can be loaded emotions that are difficult to fully feel. So, you may leave your body or dissociate instead.

This can be brought on by significant trauma or stress. It can also be brought on by simply feeling anxious.

It can be difficult to recognize when you dissociate, and it is often confused with zoning out.

When you dissociate, you may feel like you are leaving your body. Your eyes may get glossy, you can look frightened, or you may even feel little to no physical pain in the moment as a form of self-protection.

You may feel like you are the only one who exists in the whole world, or that nothing is real and you are not real.

You may come out of a conversation, presentation or drive home and have no idea what just happened or how you got home.

It can be difficult to recognize dissociation within yourself, so it can be helpful to check in with a therapist when it is happening and causing you discomfort or getting in the way.

How do I truly feel my emotions?

In the rooms of recovery, one of the Al-Anon promises is that you are not enslaved by your emotions.

When you experience an emotion that takes over with no warning, it may seem there is no way to stay in your body when it is happening.

If you experience dissociation with big emotions (yes, joy can be one of those), you may have a hard time staying with the feeling in your body.

You may also not be able to locate emotions in your body – so the idea of “feeling your emotions” is actually foreign.

Feeling an emotion, or sensation in your body, is an opportunity for you to take note of the sensation and become curious.

Learning to connect emotions to sensations in your body provides you the opportunity to become curious about the sensation, rather than allow it to take over.

This can take time, and receiving guidance from a somatic or trauma-informed mindfulness-based therapist can be helpful.

If you are feeling disconnected from your emotions, consider what the next small step you can take to connect again might be. The solution may be in the form of a breath, pause, or even getting your feet planted firmly on the floor.

How do you stay connected to your emotions?

A common practice in Buddhist tradition is to invite your emotions to tea. You can actually make yourself a cup of tea while you practice this or you can find a comfortable spot to sit and feel.

Pause and sit with the sensations you experience.

Read More: “How Mindfulness Helps With Anxiety”

What emotion comes forth as you notice the sensations?

People tend to want to avoid feeling discomfort and associate emotions with bigger charge as uncomfortable – because they are.

There is nothing wrong with not wanting to feel uncomfortable, and, learning to sit with and be curious about the sensations and emotions helps them move through your body, allowing them to complete their process.

Some emotions that are common to avoid are fear, anger, sadness, and grief.  but if you sit with yourself long enough, you may uncover something you haven’t before this point.

The process of inviting your emotions to tea can include:

• Bring your attention to what is going on for you at the moment. Ask yourself what emotions are surfacing. You don’t have to evaluate anything during this point.You just acknowledge that you are feeling something uncomfortable. Instead of running from it, sit with it. Invite it to have a little tea.
• Once you acknowledge what is present, try out a new way of relating to it.Maybe you take a deep belly breath, you may laugh to expel nervous energy, or you can simply visualize taking another sip of tea.Perhaps you try to lean in a bit to the experience and become more curious.
• Feel where the emotion is coming up in your body.Maybe your legs feel twitchy each time you feel anger, your hands tremble when you feel fear, or you get a painful feeling in your throat when you feel nervous.Let the emotion rise up in your body and let it go with each exhale or sip of tea.

You can continue on with your tea date and get to know a little more.

It may be helpful to have a shorter date with your emotions in the beginning and over time, extend the time you spend experiencing them with intention.

This intentional feeling of your emotions is a form of mindfulness and meditation. Meditation doesn’t have to stop after mindful moments like having tea with your emotions.

Your meditation practice can start at home and extend to other opportunities in Denver to learn how to sit with your emotions in meditative spaces too.

What are some ways I can connect to meditation in Denver?

1. The Shambhala Meditation Center in Denver is a powerful, community-driven resource that can help you learn how to sit in peace with yourself.Part of meditation is to notice emotions rather than trying to do something else with them.
   

   Read More: “Understanding EMDR Therapy and Ways It Can Support You on Your Healing Journey”

   You don’t have to stop an emotion once it surfaces. Just notice it. Then, you can begin to sit with it.

   This Denver resource is an incredible way to start and continue your meditation practice.

2. STILLness in the Galleries is a meditation in the Clyfford Still Museum. Before the museum opens, you can meditate in the gallery space among beautiful art and peacefully feel your emotions.As of now, this is a one-time offering on April 6, 2024 and there may be ways to create this at home or with others too.Invite yourself to practice meditation in tranquil spaces wherever you go. The Clyfford Still Museum is open year-round.
3. The Zen Center of Denver holds several events throughout the year to practice compassion with yourself when it comes to emotions.This meditation center offers walking meditation as well as all levels of meditation.If you are ready to start a meditation practice, this Denver resource can be a place to start.

Practicing meditation is not the only way to learn how to sit with your emotions, and it can be a starting point. You don’t need anything special to sit and pause.

It can be uncomfortable to sit with emotions that you haven’t wanted to feel. There is a reason for that. Get curious instead of getting combative.

The more you connect with your body the more you can get preventative with outbursts, panic attacks, anxiety attacks, or other uncomfortable eruptions of emotion.

As you get comfortable with your uncomfortable emotions, you can increase your discernment.

Initially, you may think that you are experiencing an uncomfortable emotion like nervousness.

Then, after digging a little deeper, you may find a positive emotion like excitement. It can also be both at the same time.

Sitting with your emotions can increase emotional intelligence.

According to social scientist, Brene Brown, it only takes 90 seconds to move through an emotion, for most people.

By taking the 90 seconds of time initially, you can save yourself hours of time from spiraling out. This won’t look perfect, and you will likely make mistakes as you go.

Get to the root of the problem so that you can get comfortable with solutions that work for you.

Emotions can be tricky, and Denver Metro Counseling is here to support you.

We have trauma-informed therapists who specialize in depression counseling, anxiety counseling, body issues therapy, and can help you to develop a holistic plan that is approachable for you.

If you haven’t considered feeling your emotions yet, what’s stopping you? Those 90 seconds can save you countless hours.

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Written by: Randi Thackeray, MA
Clinically Reviewed and Edited by: Julie Reichenberger, MA, LPC, ACS