The Connection Between Social Media and Teen Self-Esteem: What You Need To Know As A Parent 

Article Written By: Molly Ward, LCSW

Social media’s presence in our day-day culture is not lost on anyone.

Denver Therapist, Molly Ward

Even as adults, we are pulled in and struggle to manage our behaviors and the time we spend on social media. 

Our fully developed brains feel the impact of that use – the comparison, the doom scrolling, the increased anxiety, seeking “likes”, feeling guilt for time lost mindlessly consuming, etc.  

If we notice the impact of our social media use as adults, what does this mean for vulnerable minds’ of social media’s top consumers; our teens?

How does constant access, consumption, and comparison influence adolescent’s confidence, belief in themselves, and self-worth?

Connections between social media and teens’ self-esteem: 

Effects of Social Media on Teens’ Self-Esteem

There are many upsides to social media. It provides a wealth of information, normalizes experiences, helps us put the right language to things, and can create more connection. 

It’s also a place where teens can express their creativity.

For many teens it’s an important part of being social and can be an avenue of support and advice.

Social media is also a protective factor for teens that are in marginalized groups, such as those that identify as LGBTQ+ and don’t always have safe living environments.

In a lot of ways, social media has a positive impact on teens’ self-esteem, but they don’t outweigh the negative impacts. 

Teens are Exposed to Comparison and Unrealistic Expectations with Social Media

Through Snapchat, Tik Tok and Instagram, teens are constantly observing the lives of their peers.

Read More: “5 Tips To Engaging With Your Teen”

Yet posts and feeds are often carefully curated to show the best versions of these lives.

This might look like seeing posts of a “perfect” relationship, an ideal body type, or someone that flaunts their new possessions.

In reality, the “perfect” relationship has toxic communication, the person with the ideal body is struggling with an eating disorder, and the person who seems like they have everything feels disconnected from their family and isolated.

The exposure to highlights and lack of reality creates expectations and standards that are not attainable, leading to teens feeling inadequate, incapable, or not enough. 

Social Media’s Impact on Teens’ Social Relationships and Identity

Ages 12-18 is known as the “identity versus. role confusion” stage, according to Erik Erikson’s theory of psychosocial development. This is when teens are figuring out the question “who am I?” and they are doing so through their social relationships.

They are naturally feeling confused and insecure, and throwing social media into the mix certainly complicates things.

With the culture of pursuing likes and follows, teens are redirected to seek external validation rather than discover their own values.

Additionally, the pressure to be an idealized version of themselves leads to teens feeling disconnected from who they really are, lacking confidence in their capabilities and having low self-worth. 

Cyberbullying  Through Social Media is Harmful for Teens

With the opportunity for peer approval also comes the opportunity for negative comments or bullying.

Social media offers platforms for information to be spread quickly, to say things with less consequences, and for people to remain anonymous.

Communicating through screens can also reduce empathy and increase impulsive behaviors.

Having more exposure to negative comments and cyberbullying can gravely impact teens’ mental health by increasing self-doubt and skewing self-image. 

Social Media Impacts Body Image Concerns for Teens

The focus on appearance through social media perpetuates feelings of body dissatisfaction. Pictures and videos are edited and airbrushed, leading teens to believe that that they are reality.

This pressure puts a focus on external value rather than internal, leading to disordered eating, body dysmorphia, and lowering self-esteem overall.

Teens lose the drive to identify intrinsic value and instead are driven to gain worth through their outward appearance, no matter the cost. 

Although we can identify that social media has a positive impact on teens’ self-esteem, it can also be detrimental to their mental health.

With both costs and benefits, social media is here to stay and is an integral part of our lives.

We can fight it, or we can empower ourselves and our teens to find ways to manage it.

Practical tips to support your teen in managing their social media use and help protect their self-esteem: 

Teach Teens Social Media Literacy  

Not only should teens be encouraged to think critically about the content that they are seeing, but they also need to be taught the reality of what having social media entails.

Read More: “5 Reasons Your Teen Doesn’t Talk To You”

When everyone around has social media, it may seem there’s this amazing world that people get to be a part of.

The reality is that social media isn’t all positive and has a serious impact on our well-being.

Being aware of this impact and what exposure to some content will do to teens’ brains is imperative before making any decisions to download social media apps. 

Talk to Your Teen with Compassion, not Shame

Criticizing or shaming your teen for their phone or social media use is not going to get them to use less.

The first step to changing or managing our behavior is understanding it.

Help your teen learn how much time they are really spending on social media.

Talk to your teen about how they are feeling with their use and what its impact is for them personally. If they can bring compassionate awareness to their use, they can use that insight to make changes.

Feeling shamed or getting lectured can actually do the opposite of intended and increase their use. 

Encourage Offline Activities for your Teen

One of the best tips we all know is to get off the phone and into the present moment.

When we spend too much time on social media, it takes us far away from our life.

Helping your teen getting to know their interests and spend time with different hobbies is an incredible way to build self-worth and self-confidence.

Surprisingly, social media can actually be an effective tool to help with this, as teens can learn about different hobbies and get inspired to start participating more in life, if framed in this way.

Being more present in our life creates incredible opportunity to understand our capabilities and inner workings – something that is critical through teen’s development.

Support your teen in diversifying their after school activities or encourage them to have some time that’s technology free. 

Act As A Role Model with Social Media for Your Teen

What are you doing to manage your own use?

Read More: “From Middle School To High School: A Parent’s Guide To Smooth Transitions”

Teens often express frustration that they are expected to manage their use when they witness the adults in their lives also being consumed by social media in the same way.

Share with your teen how you are impacted by social media and ways that you are managing your behaviors as well. Practice and model this in front of your teen.

By modeling your own balance with social media, you are normalizing the impact that social media has on everyone and empowering your teen to do something about it. 

Seek Professional Support For Navigating Social Media Use with Teens

Even with the best intentions, sometimes things escalate. Overuse of social media has been correlated with an increase in depression and not being satisfied in life.

Working with a therapist can help your teen get reacquainted with their values and find ways to rebuild their self-esteem.

Denver Metro Counseling also offers a group for teen girls called Camp Wellness that focus on the topic of how social media is impacting teens and ways to manage it.

Professional support can empower you and your family to gain more balance in life. 

Remember that as adults, we weren’t exposed to social media until later in life. For our teens, social media has always been a part of their culture.

For this reason, teens know more about social media than we do. Before your anxiety creeps up and you run to the parental controls, ask your teen what they are already doing to manage their use.

Maybe they’ve curated their feeds to only include posts that have value to them, maybe they’ve turned off their “likes”, or maybe they always make sure to take that deep breath when prompted on Tik Tok.  

Social media can help increase our teen’s self-esteem, but it can also greatly diminish it.

Either way, it is here to stay.

Practicing these tips will help empower you and your teen to manage their use and protect their self-esteem. 

Learn More About Molly Ward

Molly Ward is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker practicing therapy in Denver, Colorado. Molly offers both in-person and telehealth therapy in Colorado.

She takes a trauma-informed, systems-approach to therapy with clients . What does this mean? Molly takes into account all aspects of a persons’ life when working with them to make effective, lasting changes including relationships, work, school, learning styles, interests, religion, gender, race, sexuality, culture and more.

She provides therapy for teens, adults and families providing therapy for anxiety, depression, ADHD, trauma, substance use and abuse, intuitive eating counseling and help navigating relationships.

Learn more from Molly through her articles posted in Denver Metro Counseling’s blog, her bio on DMC’s website or her instagram account.