When someone you care about lives with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), you might not know where to start supporting them.
You see them struggling with repetitive thoughts and behaviors that seem to take over their daily life. Perhaps they check locks multiple times, need constant reassurance, or get stuck in mental loops that leave them exhausted.
By learning how to help a loved one with OCD, you can become an important ally in their healing process.
Learn About OCD
Start with educating yourself. Take time to learn as much as you can about OCD through reputable sources, books, and online resources.
Consider following mental health advocates who openly share their experiences with OCD on social media platforms, since their insights can provide valuable perspectives on what living with the condition is actually like.
More importantly, have open conversations with your loved one about how their OCD specifically manifests.
Every person’s experience with OCD is unique, and what you see in movies or read about online might not match their particular symptoms.
Avoid Feeding Their Compulsions
One of the most challenging parts of supporting someone with OCD is learning not to enable their compulsions, even when you’re trying to help. If your loved one seeks constant reassurance, your natural instinct might be to give it.
However, offering repeated reassurance actually reinforces the OCD cycle and can make their symptoms worse over time.
Instead, have a conversation with your loved one during a calm moment about how you’ll handle these situations together. Discuss what you should say or do when they’re seeking reassurance or engaging in compulsive behaviors.
When they’re in the midst of an OCD flare up, you can be gentle but firm. You might say something like, “We talked about this, and I think it would be best if we discussed it later,” or “This might be your OCD talking right now. Could we sit with the feeling for a moment together?.”
The key is staying compassionate without reinforcing the compulsive patterns.
Offer Validation and Emotional Support
While you shouldn’t enable compulsions, it’s still crucial to validate your loved one’s emotional experience. OCD can be exceptionally hard to live with, and the person struggling with it often feels frustrated and misunderstood.
Let them know that you see how hard they’re working and that you recognize their strength and courage in the way they’re facing these challenges.
Acknowledge that living with OCD isn’t easy and that you understand it’s not something they can simply “turn off.”
Avoid minimizing their experience with phrases like “just stop thinking about it” or “you’re overreacting.”
These comments, though well-intentioned, can actually make them feel worse.
Encourage Healthy Engagement
When your loved one is caught in an OCD spiral, gently redirecting them back to the present moment can be incredibly helpful. This isn’t about avoiding or pushing away the thoughts, but about reminding them that they can still engage in life while the thoughts are there.
You might suggest alternative ways to engage their mind and body, like going for a walk together, engaging in a creative activity, practicing deep breathing exercises, or doing something physical that helps them feel grounded.
Denver OCD specialist, Quin Axelson, encourages readers: “When you see a loved one struggling, it’s instinctive to want to offer reassurance. While challenging, it’s important to know that providing reassurance can unintentionally reinforce maladaptive behaviors. Along with refraining from reassurance, modeling healthy, balanced behaviors and patience is key.”
Take Care of Yourself Too
Supporting someone with OCD can be emotionally demanding, and it’s important to nurture your own mental health.
Set boundaries when needed and seek support for yourself through friends, family, or even therapy, and remember that you can’t fix their OCD for them.
Your role is to be a supportive presence, not to manage their OCD. Some days will be harder than others, both for them and for you, and that’s okay.
Encourage Professional Treatment
If they are struggling on their own, you can help your loved one explore treatment options, which might include therapy (particularly exposure and response prevention therapy), medication, or a combination of both.
If you’re looking for professional guidance in supporting your loved one or addressing your own mental health needs, don’t hesitate to reach out to our team today. Our approach to therapy for OCD can be the right first step toward healing.
