How To Deal With Wants And Needs In Your Relationship

Every person has different wants and needs. Being able to express those things freely in your relationship is essential for a strong connection and clear communication.

It requires vulnerability and self-awareness, but once you understand what your wants and needs truly are, you can bring them to your relationship and deal with them in healthy, productive ways.

Your basic needs likely stem from your attachment style, which is set in place from early childhood.

However, life experiences can also shape those needs, as well as some of the things you want out of your relationship.

Let’s take a closer look at how to deal with those wants and needs and how you can express them in ways that will strengthen your bond and intimacy with your partner.

Understanding Your Attachment Style

Everyone has unique bonding experiences with their parents or caregivers as they grow up.

Read More: “Attachment Styles and How They Show Up in Relationships”

Ideally, that would mean that every child is able to form a secure attachment.

Secure attachments include healthy boundaries and trust and make it easier to form strong relationships with others.

People with secure attachment styles are often better communicators and can strike a healthy balance of independence and reliance in their relationships.

Unfortunately, not everyone experiences a secure attachment in childhood. Anxious or avoidant attachment styles can occur when caregivers are neglectful, demanding, or even abusive.

In relationships, these attachment styles can cause someone to be overly clingy, distrustful, or even closed off. If that feels familiar, you might have difficulty opening up and expressing your needs and wants.

Reflecting On Your Needs

No matter your attachment style, you can better navigate your needs and wants by developing a stronger understanding of what they are.

What makes you feel fulfilled or satisfied in your relationship? Which things are essential for your well-being and happiness?

If you haven’t been able to articulate your needs and wants, self-reflection can help you organize your thoughts. Consider self-care activities like mindfulness, meditation, and journaling.

Understanding your basic needs and the differences between your needs and wants will make it easier to speak openly and confidently to your partner.

Communicating Your Wants and Needs

Self-reflection is one thing, but it can feel overwhelming when you have to open up to someone about yourself, no matter how much you care for that person.

Read More: “How Attachment Styles Relate To Fear of Abandonment In Relationships”

As you approach your partner with your wants and needs, use “I” statements to focus on how you feel.

This will remove any notion that you’re somehow criticizing your partner or blaming them for not meeting your needs.

Focus on being specific and avoid vague language, which can lead to confusion.

Be honest and gentle, showing respect for your partner’s feelings while you talk about your own. Then, invite your partner to consider what you need and want so you can develop effective solutions together.

This openness can also encourage your partner to self-reflect what they need from the relationship.

Remember: this is a collaborative effort to improve the health of your relationship and strengthen your bond.

Practice Active Listening

Communicating what you need from your relationship is only half the battle. If you’re truly ready to deal with needs and wants, you must also be an active listener for your partner.

Pay attention to their responses and questions, and remember that you’re on the same team.

Be open to compromise and working together so everyone’s needs and wants are cared for within the relationship.

If you’re having difficulty digging deeper into your needs and wants, or you can’t express them effectively, reach out for help.

Attachment styles or personal experiences can make it challenging to self-refect and communicate, and you don’t have to overcome those obstacles alone.

Contact us today to set up a consultation, and we’ll take that walk with you.