Article written by Denver therapist, Lauren Battista
Watching someone you care about struggle can feel really difficult—especially when you have a sense that therapy could help, but you’re not sure how to bring it up or support them without adding pressure.
The reality is, you can’t make someone go to therapy. But you can help make the idea feel safer, more approachable, and less overwhelming.
And just as importantly—you can do that in a way that still allows you to take care of yourself.
Starting the Conversation About Therapy with a Loved One
Starting the conversation can often be the hardest part. The goal isn’t to convince or fix—it’s to open the door and allow them to see that you care and are willing to help them in specific ways if they are open to it (and of course, if you have the capacity).
Helpful approaches to talking with a loved one about therapy:
- Lead with care, not concern disguised as criticism. For example, “If you ever wanted help finding someone, I’d totally support you.”
- Speak from your perspective (“I’ve noticed…” vs. “You need…”) For example– “I care about you and I’ve noticed things have been feeling really heavy lately… have you ever thought about talking to someone?”
- Normalize therapy as support—not something only for crises. For example, “You don’t have to go through this alone—therapy could be a space just for you.”
- Try your best to keep the conversation open-ended and remain in a position of curiosity rather than force.
Helping Them Take the First Step in Starting Therapy
Getting started can feel like a lot, but if they’re open to support, small ways of reducing the overwhelm can be helpful.
This could look like sitting with them while they browse therapists, helping narrow down what they’re looking for, sending a few options instead of a long list, or offering to help draft a message or email to potential therapists.
Sometimes it’s as simple as asking “Do you want help with this, or just someone to listen right now?” Letting them guide how much support they want keeps the process feeling collaborative rather than overwhelming or controlling.
Where to start looking for therapy
If they’re unsure where to begin, a few common starting points include:
- Google search with criteria
- Psychology Today
- TherapyDen
- Open Path Psychotherapy Collective
- Insurance provider directories
- Local group practices
Encouraging them to read therapist bios—or even watch intro videos—can help them get a sense of who feels like a good fit before schedling a consultation call.
What “Good Fit” Can Look Like in a Therapist
Finding the right therapist is less about credentials alone and more about how it feels to sit with that person.
Things they might consider:
- Do I feel comfortable and safe opening up to this person?
- Does this person seem to understand what I’m going through?
- Does their style match what I’m looking for?
It’s also completely okay if the first therapist isn’t the right fit. That’s a normal part of the process, not a failure.
Practical Considerations when looking for a therapist
There are often a few logistical decisions that come up early on:
Virtual vs. in-person:
Some people appreciate the flexibility of virtual therapy, while others prefer the grounding of being in a physical space. There’s no right answer—just what feels most supportive and accessible for them at the time.
Insurance vs. private pay:
Insurance can make therapy more affordable but may limit options. Private pay can offer more flexibility, and some therapists provide documentation for reimbursement. Cost is a real and valid factor in the decision.
If it feels appropriate, you might offer to help them navigate some of this—but not take it over.
Questions to ask when interviewing a potential new therapist
Consultation calls can be a helpful way to get a feel for a therapist.
Some questions people often find useful include:
- “What is your experience with what I’m going through?”
- “What does your approach typically look like?”
- “What kinds of modalities do you use?”
- “What can I expect in the first few sessions?”
- “Do you feel that you are a good fit for my specific concerns?”
And just as important– “Do I feel comfortable talking to this person?”
Being Supportive in the search Without Taking It On
Wanting to help someone you love makes sense. At the same time, this process can quietly become overwhelming if you’re not paying attention to your own capacity.
Before offering help, it can be worth asking yourself:
- Do I actually have the bandwidth to support them right now?
- Am I offering this from a grounded place, or from urgency?
Support tends to be most sustainable when it comes from a place of choice, not pressure.
A Subtle Shift That Can Help when finding a therapist for a loved one
It can be easy to slip into doing more than intended—researching therapists, following up, or trying to move things forward.
Sometimes it helps to gently come back to the question “Am I supporting their process, or stepping into it for them?”
Support might look like being present and encouraging, offering help when invited or asked, or sitting with discomfort without trying to fix it immediately.
Overextending can sometimes look like taking over the search entirely, feeling responsible for their progress or continuing to push when they’re not ready. There’s no judgment here—just something to notice.
Let Them Lead
Even when it’s hard to watch, therapy tends to be most meaningful when someone feels a sense of ownership over the decision. Staying alongside them—without taking over—might sound like “I’m here whenever you feel ready,” or “I can help if you want, but no pressure.” This keeps the connection intact while still honoring their autonomy.
Take Care of Yourself, Too
Supporting someone doesn’t mean being available at all times, or stretching beyond what feels sustainable.
It is totally okay to take breaks from the conversation, be honest about your availability and offer support in ways that feel manageable. Boundaries here aren’t about pulling away—they often make it possible to stay supportive long-term.
Final Thoughts from a therapist on finding a therapist for a loved one
You can care deeply about someone and still allow them to take the lead in their own healing.
In many ways, that balance—being present, supportive, and mindful of your own capacity—is what makes support feel safe rather than overwhelming for both people.
And if nothing else, simply knowing someone is in their corner can make starting therapy feel a little less intimidating.
If your loved one is beginning to explore therapy and isn’t sure where to start, having a place that feels approachable and supportive can make a big difference.
At Denver Metro Counseling, we aim to create a space where people can move at their own pace, feel understood, and begin this process in a way that feels manageable.
Whether it’s here or elsewhere, finding the right fit matters—and taking that first step, however small, is already meaningful.
Reach out today to get started.
