Why Feeling Bad Doesn’t Mean You’re Doing Therapy Wrong 

Article written by Denver therapist, Lauren Battista

What Progress in Therapy Actually Looks Like

When you start therapy, it’s easy to imagine progress as a straight line toward feeling “better” — less anxious, less sad, less overwhelmed. Who doesn’t want that?

But the truth is, personal growth in therapy often feels messy and is not linear.

Sometimes, you might even feel worse before you feel better — and that’s not a sign that therapy is failing. In fact, it can be a sign that it’s working.

Let’s talk about what emotional progress in therapy actually looks like, and why feeling uncomfortable is often a part of the path to healing.

The Truth About Emotions: They’re Not Good or Bad

We tend to put emotions into categories; happy, calm, excited = good. Angry, anxious, sad = bad.

However, emotions aren’t moral. They’re not right or wrong.

They act as messengers—signals from our body and nervous system letting us know something important is happening, either inside or around us.

For example, when we feel anxiety, this alerts us to a perceived threat or danger.

When we experience sadness, this can signal a loss of something we once loved, or an unmet need that needs to be attended to.

Feelings of anger often point to a boundary that’s been crossed and can urge us to take action in line with what is best for us.

Rather than labeling these signals as “bad,” therapy invites you to listen to them with curiosity rather than fear. “What is this feeling trying to tell me?” 

Why It Is Important to Feel All the Feels (Yes, Even the Hard Ones)

If you’ve ever tried to ignore a difficult emotion, you probably know that it doesn’t just disappear. It might get quieter for a while—but eventually, it resurfaces, sometimes louder and more overwhelming than before.

Allowing yourself to feel the full spectrum of emotions, including the uncomfortable ones, is essential for making sense of your experiences.

It invites you to gain a greater understanding of your needs and boundaries and deepening your relationship with yourself and others.

Suppressing emotions often leads to more stress, disconnection, and can even manifest as physical symptoms such as pain, tension, and stomach aches.

In contrast, learning how to sit with your feelings creates space for healing, self-awareness, improved mental health, and resilience.

What Happens When You Avoid Feeling?

Many people are afraid to allow themselves to be present with difficult emotions. It’s a valid fear—we sometimes think:

• “If I start crying, I’ll never stop.”
• “If I feel this sadness, I’ll spiral and get stuck in it forever. I would rather avoid that.”
• “If I admit I’m angry, I’m a bad person.”

But ironically, the more we push emotions away, the more power they have over us. When we give ourselves permission to feel what’s true—even if it’s hard—we tend to feel less stuck, not more.

Here’s the paradox– the more we make room for what hurts, the better we eventually feel.

The more we validate and accept what is real, the more we can move forward.

You’re Already Choosing Between Hard Feelings

Even outside of therapy, we’re constantly navigating between different kinds of emotional discomfort. For example:

“Part of me wants to leave this relationship because I’m being treated poorly over and over again—it leaves me feeling inadequate and insecure. But part of me is afraid that if I do leave, I’ll be consumed by loneliness and heartbreak.”

Neither option feels good. But one may feel familiar, and therefore safer, while the other asks us to face a deeper fear.

Often, we choose one difficult emotion just to avoid another—without even realizing we’re doing it.

Read More: “The Secret To Accepting Your Anxiety”

In therapy, we can begin to notice these emotional trade-offs. We learn to name our patterns, understand where they come from, and eventually shift them—so they no longer silently control us.

As we learn to relate differently to discomfort, we start to see it not as something to fear, but as a powerful tool for growth and transformation.

Rather than focusing solely on the discomfort itself, therapy helps us shift our attention toward what’s possible on the other side of it: growth, clarity and empowerment.

We begin to ask not just, “How do I stop feeling this?”—but, “What might open up if I could move through this?” Discomfort becomes something we can meet with curiosity—not something we have to escape.

The Benefits of “Feeling Bad” in Therapy

Here’s what might surprise you: feeling bad in therapy can actually be a sign of progress! Why?

Because it means you’re no longer avoiding it and therefore, you’re getting closer to understanding what caused the feeling to exist in the first place.

When you lean into discomfort with support and curiosity, you begin to build emotional resilience.

You develop a sense of safety in your own body, learn that feelings are temporary (both the ones we want to last longer, and the ones we wish would go away quicker), and build trust in your ability to handle whatever comes up.

If we want to feel joy, love, and pride—we also must be willing to feel sadness, grief, and vulnerability. We simply can’t selectively numb emotions.

But we can build capacity to feel them with more ease.

Real Signs of Progress in Therapy (Hint: It’s Not “Being Happy All the Time”)

Therapy isn’t about learning how to never feel bad again.

It’s about learning how to be with yourself in those difficult moments knowing that they will pass, and you will be okay.

Real signs of therapy progress might look like:

• Being more honest about what you need
• Noticing your patterns and choosing differently, instead of reacting automatically
• Responding to feelings of shame or anxiety with kindness instead of criticism
• Feeling safer setting boundaries or more comfortable with saying “no”
• Crying in session after months or years of emotional shutdown
• Feeling less activated upon reflecting on past experiences that used to bother you
• Naming and expressing emotions without judgment
• Sitting with discomfort instead of escaping it

Progress can be quiet, subtle, emotional. And often nonlinear.

What Therapy Really Helps You Do

The therapeutic journey isn’t about overriding your “bad” emotions or erasing your past.

It’s about understanding why those feelings are there in the first place, how they’ve protected you, and what they’re asking for now.

Read More: “How Trauma Therapy is Helpful fo Trauma”

It’s about going to the roots of the issue—not just eliminating the symptoms—and gradually creating space for a more grounded, integrated, and values-aligned version of yourself.

One who doesn’t overthink every interaction, can feel without fear and who trusts themselves in moments of uncertainty.

Therapy isn’t about getting rid of emotions. It’s about learning how to live with them—and ultimately, to let them move through you.

Emotions aren’t good or bad; they’re data.

And when we learn how to read that data, we learn how to move forward—with courage, clarity, and compassion.

If You’re Feeling Heavy After a Therapy Session—Read This

Some sessions might leave you feeling lighter and more hopeful. Others might feel raw, heavy, or disorienting.

That doesn’t mean you did something wrong or that therapy isn’t working. And it definitely doesn’t mean you’re broken or too much.

It simply means something important was touched—and your system is responding to that.

The therapy process often stirs things up before it settles them down. When we begin to explore old wounds, limiting beliefs, or painful memories, it’s normal for those emotions to rise to the surface.

This doesn’t mean you’re backsliding. It means you’re allowing yourself to feel what’s true, and that takes tremendous strength.

If this happens, try to:

• Offer yourself compassion: “Of course I feel off right now. I just did something vulnerable.”
• Ground yourself gently: Go for a walk, drink some water, journal, or listen to calming music or your favorite podcast.
• Remind yourself: This is temporary. What I’m feeling now is part of the process.
• Reach out if needed: If you’re struggling between sessions, let your therapist know.

Healing is a practice—and you’re allowed to have tender days.

Don’t Give Up Before It Gets Good!

If you’ve ever left a session thinking, “This is too much. Maybe I can’t handle this.” please hear this: you are not alone, and you are not failing.

Sometimes, the biggest shifts come right after the moments that feel the hardest. Therapy asks you to feel more before you feel better and to trust the therapeutic process when things are still quite uncertain.

It asks you to keep showing up—even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.

You don’t need to do it perfectly. You just need to keep choosing yourself.

By embracing the uncomfortable feelings associated with change, growth, and self-discovery, rather than trying to avoid them, we can unlock our potential and create a more meaningful life.

Therapy can be an opening to more in your life. Reach out to schedule a consultation with one of our Denver therapists today.

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Denver Therapist, Lauren Battista

Lauren Battista is a licensed therapist in Denver, Colorado and on the clinical team of therapists at Denver Metro Counseling. She provides guidance through forming a encouraging and supportive therapeutic alliance with her clients.

Lauren pulls from years of experience helping people navigate relationships, anxiety, depression, trauma and ADHD.

Lauren takes a curious approach to therapy using attachment and trauma-based modalities like EMDR therapy, brainspotting, Internal Family Systems (IFS), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy (KAP).