Beyond Heartbreak: Embracing Growth & Self-Discovery Post-BreakUp

Article written by: Jessica Wright, LPC (CO), LPCC (CA)

The end of a romantic relationship can be a challenging time.

We know that the effects of heartbreak can be experienced not only cognitively, but felt physiologically as well.

Some have described this feeling as if a part of themselves is no longer present.

Breakups can be complex and filled with a variety of emotional experiences that lead people to struggle with deciphering ways to navigate this time in their lives and struggles with identifying which direction to move in next.

It is important to remember that like any change in life, breakups are a process and healing can take time.

Relationships often involve the components of vulnerability which can lead individuals to feel emotionally exposed.

Whether you are the one doing the breaking up, being broken up with, or a mutual parting of ways, breakups can be a tumultuous time and can be viewed as a significant life change.

Often times, it can mean the ending of a future that could have been idealized but keep in mind, it can also be an opportunity to step further into the life you really want to live on your terms.

Here are some helpful ways to navigate your healing process this emotionally complex and confusing time.

Ways to Navigate Healing After A Breakup

Connect with your self.

At times, we may find that we lose ourselves in a romantic relationship.

Read More: “The Secret To Self Care”

Our partner’s feelings and needs take precedence in the day to day and we may find that we are no longer engaging in the actives that we found to be enjoyable pre-relationship.

As with any change, a break up can be an opportunity to connect with your self and tap into your values.

Ask yourself:

What is important to me?

How do I want to be spending my time?

What activities or actions bring me joy and an excitement?

Take this time to build a relationship with yourself. One that includes all of your values and the things you find to be important.

There is NO winning in a break up.

When a relationship ends on another person’s terms, it can feel like a loss of control and that the other person is somehow “winning” at the break up.

Keep in mind there is no winning in navigating a breakup.

Ask yourself:

What does winning look like for me?

Chances are, it’s less about posting a highlight reel on social media and more about how you’re feeling and how authentically and genuinely you’re living your life.

It is an opportunity to take back control and identify all of the ways you are in the driver’s seat guiding yourself to live a fulfilling values-based life.

Retire that social media detective badge.

Seeing your ex-partners every move on social media is most likely not serving you.

Read More: “From Chaos To Clarity: How Therapy Can Help You Navigate Life’s Transitions”

Ask yourself:

What is the function of why I need to see what they’re up to?

How is this serving me?

How is this behavior pulling me towards my values and the things I find meaningful and important?

Keep in mind that social media only captures the highlights of our lives and you might not see the true emotional experience thats happening behind the phone.

If you notice feeling emotionally activated each time you see content posted by your ex or mutual friends, steer clear of your ex’s social media and set some parameters for yourself around social media in general.

Be aware of the narrative playing in the background.

We all have a narrative about the way the relationship ended and what our partner must think or even what they are doing in this very moment.

Get curious about the narrative playing in the background for you.

Ask yourself:

Is this narrative serving me?

What do I want to believe about myself?

What do I want to believe about this time in my life?

Increase your awareness of this narrative and the ways it impact your thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and actions.

But what about closure…?

The concept of having closure at the end of a relationship can provide a sense of certainty which can ease anxiety at times.

Read More: “Moving Forward While Grieving What Once Was”

It is important to note that real closure comes with time and being able to appreciate the relationship for what it was and acknowledge the reasons why it didn’t work out.

This can be an opportunity to rethink your idea of closure and what it means to you.

Also at times, having that one last interaction may not be an option.

Ultimately, that urge to have “one last talk” or “meet up for one last time” has the potential to open up wounds of the break up that you are trying to heal which isn’t always a helpful experience.

It may even lead you to relive the reasons why it isn’t working out and leave you in a place of hopelessness and even a feeling of being out of control.

Ask yourself:

What does healing look like to me?

What behaviors can move me towards that feeling of closure on my terms?

Chances are, it won’t involve that last coffee meet up.

Surround yourself with supports.

Throw yourself back into your life and surround yourself with your community.

Get involved in new actives and create meaningful connections with people who support your overall wellbeing and the things that are meaningful in your life.

Reconnect with old friends and build a community that is based on the things that you value.

Pick up your phone and reach out to family, friends, and loved ones who you find to be helpful and supportive.

It can also be an opportunity to utilize therapy as a support on your healing journey.

Ask yourself:

Who are the people in my life that support me?

Who do I feel calm, peaceful, or content around?

Navigating the life change of a break up can be a challenging journey filled with intense emotions.

It can be a time where you’re faced with many changes in your life and can sometimes feel like a grieving process.

Through connecting with your sense of self, utilizing your support network, and being aware of your internal dialogue, you can take the steps to navigate this time in a way that supports your overall well-being.

Breakups can be challenging but can also be an opportunity for a new beginning, one that is values-driven and on your terms.

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Jessica is a Denver therapist based in Los Angeles.

Denver Therapist, Jessica Wright

She specializes in helping people make big transitions in their life.

Whether it’s from one therapeutic level of care to another, moving, taking a new job, making decisions about their next steps in life, Jessica provides support through navigating these changes.

Tackling anxiety, overwhelm, stress and depression with effective coping skills and a relevant road map can be overwhelming in themselves.

Jessica also helps people with ADHD, anxiety, depression, disordered eating, thoughts of suicide and trauma navigate life more effectively.