Suicide Prevention Week: How To Check In With Your Friends

It can be difficult to love someone with suicidal thoughts. You may want to fix, find solutions, and feel better about how you are helping.

Sometimes, you can’t do any of these things, and it is still okay.

Loving someone with suicidal thoughts doesn’t have to keep you stuck.

It is not your responsibility to take care of another person as they struggle, as difficult as that may seem to you.

There are ways to help a friend and check in with them. This can be done in a way that feels supportive rather than detrimental to your friendship.

Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW, and author of Loving Someone With Suicidal Thoughts said:

“You, just you – whether you’re a friend, a parent, a partner, another family member, even a co-worker or a fellow member of a church or other group – can help someone to stay safe, to feel supported, and to get through their ordeal.”

One of the best ways to help a friend with suicidal thoughts is lead to them to professional help from a trauma-informed

Read More: “What Everybody Ought To Know About Suicide Prevention Month”

therapist who is comfortable working with suicide.

Even if you are a therapist yourself, it may be necessary to uphold boundaries to keep both you and your friend safe in a situation.

If professional help doesn’t seem doable in the moment of crisis, listening is a profound act of love.

Holding space without providing solutions is one of the most helpful ways to support a friend when you aren’t a professional.

If you feel like you are consistently holding space for friends, it may be time for a gentle reminder that professionals are available to help through a crisis.

What can I say when I am checking in with my friends who might be thinking about suicide?

When you are checking in with your friends about suicidal ideation or suicidal thoughts, it can be important to keep your own fears at bay in the moment.

Instead of adding more excitement or chaos by reacting rather than responding to a situation, take a pause. Consider self-care as a treatment once you are finished with the conversation.

This may sound like:

“Have you thought about suicide lately? I’ve been hearing you joke around about it, and I want you to know that I care about you.”

“You seem to be bringing up suicide frequently. Can I listen to how you’re feeling lately?”

“I am here for you, and I love you.”

“Can I hold space for you right now?”

“What feels most supportive to you at this moment?”

Coming in from a loving perspective rather than a judgmental one can be helpful when you are checking in with your friends. It can be difficult to know what to do or say. When all else fails, listening is a strategy that can be used time and time again.

According to DMC therapist, Julie Reichenberger, “Listening to someone’s story about suicide and why they are thinking about it, can be one of the most helpful ways to support a friend and loved one. It gives us insights into their experiences. It can help someone feel less alone and give them space to talk about something – like suicide – that they have felt they’ve had to keep secret.”

You can hold boundaries and be clear about how much you can help your friends.

Read More: “Suicide Prevention Starts With Awareness of the Individual Impact of Suicide”

It’s okay not to have all the resources that your loved one needs when they are presenting warning signs. You will not be able to cure suicidal thoughts for a friend, and you can still lead them to crisis services.

Be reasonable about the expectations that you have for both you and your friend.

What suggestions do you have for helping a friend who is suicidal?

According to Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW, hope is a crucial element in continuing life. She said: “People who want to be dead often feel hopeless” and offers the suggestion of a hope box.

If you are checking in with a friend, you can help them to create a space for hope, which is linked with living. You can help them to generate ideas, people, and places that have once provided hope to them.

According to suicide expert and therapist, Julie Reichenberger: “It is not your job to ‘fix’ or ‘solve’ for someone. In fact, having thoughts of suicide is a human experience and doesn’t mean there is something wrong with the person who is thinking about suicide and in need of fixing. Be curious with them about what has been helpful in the past and what hasn’t been so helpful. Together, you can help them be clear about what they need.”

Suicide is a difficult topic, and it can feel scary to know a friend needs help with their suicidal thoughts. You don’t have to be the person who saves a friend, and there are many helpful supports available.

Whether you help lead your friend to a support group, professional therapy, or even to a soft landing place with your listening; no one is alone.

There is help available, and suicide prevention resources do exist.

If you or your friend is in an immediate crisis, please call the suicide hotline at 988.

For a long-term solution, Denver therapists at Denver Metro Counseling use a trauma-informed approach and can help you or your friend navigate feelings of hopelessness or suicide.

A mental health professional or trained crisis counselor can help when a friend is in immediate danger or a suicidal crisis.

Mental health care is available.

You are not alone, and you matter.

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Written by: Randi Thackeray, MA
Clinically Reviewed and Edited by: Julie Reichenberger, MA, LPC, ACS