Men And Therapy: More Men Are Seeking Help

It’s easy to believe that seeking help for mental health can translate to weakness based on our culture’s expectation that we handle things on our own.

Might you consider, however, that seeking help for things like like brain fog, worry, difficulty concentrating, overwhelm and stress can help you become more productive in your day-to-day life and achieving long-term goals; improving your mental health?

Why men don’t seek help

Because of our societies unhelpful views of mental health, and seeking support when someone, especially males could benefit from help, you may start to think that other people would see you as weak, unable to manage your emotions, or that you have mental health difficulties.

These preconceived notions can be a reason that you stay stuck unhelpful ways of doing things or managing relationships or situation and can have a really harsh impact on your mental health.

Read More: “Help For Depression: Finding Hope Through Support”

Seeking help from a therapist and managing your mental health can actually be seen as a sign of strength when it comes to men’s mental health.

It’s hard to admit defeat or surrender when your mental health isn’t where you thought or want it to be, and staying on top of your mental health can help you avoid feelings of defeat and surrender.

This approach to life, leads to unnecessary suffering and even suicide. In fact, men die by suicide nearly 4 times more than women.

It may feel like a slight to the ego to get help, and it can help you successfully manage your mental health and save your life.

More often than not, men and boys aren’t taught to express their emotions outside of happiness, pride, or anger. This leads to misunderstanding about feeling and emotions being something men aren’t supposed to have, feel or express.

The truth about feelings and emotions – they are normal human reactions to situations regardless of gender.

If men or boys whether they identify as cis (straight) or gay, express emotions outside of happiness, pride, or anger, they are seen as weak with this approach. And, according to traditional gender roles, this leads to the idea that the man can’t handle life’s stress.

Here’s the thing though, therapy actually helps with just that.

It provides support to those who weren’t given the tools to manage life stressors that when not addressed can lead to anxiety, depression, feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, worthlessness and even thoughts of suicide.

Men are seeking help in therapy and other avenues

Good news, according to a Denver therapist “Younger men, age 20 to mid-40s, are utilizing therapy! Cultural shifts are enabling younger men to confidently seek therapy with a comfortability that their father’s probable did not have.”

Read More: “When Being Positive Can Be Harmful: Common Missteps That Lead To Further Suffering

At Denver Metro Counseling, our number of male clients supports this trend and new way of viewing help-seeking behaviors in men.

Men are also finding support through men’s groups, social media, and podcasts.

Podcaster, Rich Roll at age 40, and after years of struggling with drugs, alcohol, and unhealthy living, Rich dedicated his diet to plants and his body to purposeful action.

Each week Rich delves deep into all things wellness with some of the brightest and most forward thinking, paradigm busting minds in health, fitness, nutrition, art, entertainment, entrepreneurship & spirituality.

In episode #761, Rich interviews psychotherapist Dr. Richard Schwartz and they converse about how Dr. Schwartz’s approach to therapy can help us better understand ourselves, help us deal with our inner critic and addresses addiction, trauma, depression, intimacy and other issues.

NPR Invisibilia podcast co-host, Hanna Rosin asks whether social norms have changed enough so that boys are no longer afraid to cry in one episode, titled “Invisibilia: How Learning To Be Vulnerable Can Make Life Safer”.

Rosin interviews 60 year old Tommy Chreene who saw a man die while working on a Gulf oil rig — and went right back to work.

The episode shares the oil company’s response: increase support for the men who are employed through them, encouraging sharing feelings and becoming vulnerable. This response lead to improved work conditions and physical safety of the employees.

Talking through problems and experiences and opening up to support from others can be beneficial regardless of your gender. These are two of many examples of positive experiences in seeking help and support as a man.

When you start to shift your perspective and become aware that seeking mental health management is a strength, not a weakness, you may come to a place of acceptance more quickly.

Some other resources to consider: Resmaa Menakem, Connor Beaton aka ManTalks on instagram and his podcast ManTalks. 

What are some signs that therapy may be helpful to me?

Here are a few signs that it may be time to tap into your strengths and seek help:

• Drug and alcohol abuse to manage anger or depression
• Unexpected weight gain or loss
• Feel overwhelmed or under a huge amount of pressure
• Sleep problems
• Sudden outbursts of anger or aggression
• Decline in physical health
• Brain fog
• Excessive worry
• Feeling down or sad more often than not
• Irritability or agitation
• Fatigue

You don’t have to manage these mental health issues alone. Your masculinity is not at stake. A therapist won’t force a solution to your problem.

Instead, you may find comfort in being heard. It can feel successful when you work with another person to solve a problem and begin to manage your mental health.

Read More: “Common Questions About Anxiety Answered”

If you are feeling reticent toward therapy, it can be helpful to remember that you may have grown up with messaging that it’s not okay to cry or feel your emotions.

You may view emotions as a sign of weakness instead of strength. An emotion may have meant that you had a mental health problem.

Your therapist can listen without judgment when thoughts like these come up in your sessions. You aren’t alone with feeling and thinking this way.

The messaging you received from society and your loved ones can make going to therapy a challenge, and it is one you can conquer. You can create a new pattern at any time.

Even if you felt like therapy wasn’t helpful to you at one point, it may help you with managing your mental health now.

How can therapy help you?

Therapy is a way to acknowledge the status of your mental health. You may be feeling off, angry, depressed, or another emotion that is hard to say out loud or even identify. Often, people of all genders, don’t know what they are feelings.

Many people come into therapy initially saying: “I am feeling overwhelmed.” “I am stressed out.” “I am having a hard time sleeping.” “I can’t shut off my brain.” “My partner thinks I need to talk to someone.” “I can’t manage my anger.”

A therapist can help you to manage these emotions in a way that feels comfortable to you even when they feel uncomfortable.

It can feel successful to maturely emotionally regulate your emotions so that you can show up stronger at work, home, and school. You don’t have to be tough to be successful in therapy.

What is a logical next step to seeking help as a man?

Once you have made the decision to show strength by seeking therapy, there are many therapists who can help.

At Denver Metro Counseling, our Denver-based clinical team works with men and specialize in anxiety, depression, ADHD, stress management, anger management, substance abuse and more.

Our trauma-informed therapists can help you to sharpen the tools that are already within you.

Whether you are a first-timer or have done therapy before now, we can help you find solutions that will help you manage your mental health successfully.

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Written by: Randi Thackeray, MA
Clinically Reviewed and Edited by: Julie Reichenberger, MA, LPC, ACS