How The Fear Of Joy May Hold You Back

Have you ever been afraid of experiencing joy?

Sometimes, people can get so used to things going wrong, feeling bad, or not working out that when things do finally feel joyful, it can be terrifying. Fear of joy may be holding you back in your life.

When you wait for the “other shoe to drop,” you could be missing out on joyful opportunities. It can be difficult to get beyond fear, especially if you tend to attempt to control most things in your life.

What is fear?

Fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain or a threat according to Webster’s Dictionary.

Read More: “Don’t Underestimate The Power In Letting Go”

So, it makes sense that you may want to avoid feeling this emotion in your life. It can be anxiety inducing to combat dangerous people and things. It can also cause harm.

To be on alert around others can be exhausting, and you may be protecting yourself at all costs to avoid fear in your life.

This self-protection may be helpful to you in the moment, and it can be harmful to you long-term.

Why might you fear joy?

There are many reasons one might fear joy or happiness.

Often, this fear stems from the past. And though it may not stem from trauma, it is common that it stems from what one experienced as a child and ways they coped.

For some, it may develop from the belief that when something good happens, it comes with the price of something else.

For some, the idea of feeling or expressing joy or happiness may lead to feelings of guilt if they know others are suffering.

For some, experiencing happiness or joy may have been short-lived and as a way to deal with the disappointment, let down or pain.

As a result they may intentionally or unintentionally protected themselves by minimizing happiness or joy or not sharing the feeling with others fearing others’ reactions.

How are joy and control linked?

According to scientific researcher, Brene Brown, joy is the most vulnerable emotion. If you feel the need to control every situation, you may be sabotaging your own joy.

Read More: “Five Truths About Self-Love: The Benefits and How Too”

It can be scary to let go and let things happen without you controlling them.

That need for control can also be the reason that you are not feeling authentic joy in your life.

When you are busy worrying about the doom of something unpleasant happening, you still have control of the outcome.

Staying in control of the awful thing happening can be easier than letting go to experience joy, especially if you have a history of horrible things happening to you.

Childhood trauma can result in the fear of the other shoe dropping or feeling unbalanced with your mental health.

When you were a kid, you couldn’t control what happened to you. As an adult, you can make choices to help improve your outcomes.

Psychology Today states that some people who identify as perfectionist are also afraid of joy because they view happiness as lazy or unproductive.

If you are busy being happy, you may not be busy making contributions to your work life and being productive at home.

Perfectionism can mean that you are holding yourself back from experiencing true joy in your life.

What can you do to feel joy?

It doesn’t have to be impossible to feel joy in your life. Sometimes, you might have to build templates that don’t exist yet.

Read More: “5 Ways To Lessen Living in Fear”

This means that you might not know what it means to feel joyful, so you may have to practice understanding what that means for you.

Does joy mean laughter?

Does joy mean experiencing a moment that feels in alignment with your beliefs?

How about spending time with people you adore?

All of these activities can bring joy to your life. When you do feel joy, you can take a breath and allow yourself to let go.

This may be a time to quiet your inner critic to limit a negative belief or an irrational fear.

The more moments of joy you feel, the more proof you have that joy can exist for you too.

Learning to experience and embrace joy can be difficult. This may mean that you have to leave your comfort zone so that you can experience new things and start living life with both failure and success.

You don’t have to overcome fear alone; there are therapists and support groups who can help.

Many therapists can help you to lessen feelings of anxiety and impending doom. They can help you understand the fear you may not have known you had around experiencing joy.

At Denver Metro Counseling, we have therapists on our clinical team who are available and can work with these feelings.

You are not alone, and there are resources available.

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Written by: Randi Thackeray, MA
Clinically Reviewed and Edited by: Julie Reichenberger, MA, LPC, ACS