Resolutions Don’t Work: Trying Something New with Intention Does

Article written by: Denver therapist, Julie Reichenberger, MA, LPC, ACS, NCC

It is that time of year again and so many of us get caught up in wanting something new; wanting to make changes.

When it comes to making New Year’s resolution, facts are out; they don’t work for most people.

This is evidenced by the most searched questions in Google around New Year’s Resolutions:

How to create New Year’s resolutions that last

How to keep your New Year’s resolutions

How not to fail at keeping your New Year’s resolution 

How do you make a new year’s resolution and stick to it?

So…

Why Do We Struggle to Keep New Year’s Resolutions?

There are many reasons one may struggle to keep a New Year’s resolution, even when we are certain we want to make this change.

The Resolution is Too Big

Some people may make 2 or 3 or even more big sweeping resolutions.

For example, saying they are going to loose weight, get in shape, stop drinking, stop spending, get more sleep, meditate for 30 minutes a day.

While these may be behaviors they want to change or add, making change requires shifting behaviors that may be serving a purpose in coping, or providing comfort in some way.

Changing behaviors or ways of being can be uncomfortable and hard to maintain because of this discomfort.

If the goal is too big, or there are too many, maintaining can be overwhelming and more work than anticipated.

There Isn’t a Plan in Place for Supporting Something New

Many people will make a statement of a resolution (or 4) and not actually think through what it will take to implement the change.

Making even one small change in our routine takes thought and planning.

If there isn’t thought and planning going into stated resolutions, the chances of them being fulfilled is very slim.

You Don’t Really Want to Change

Maybe you don’t really want to change. We can get caught up in the buzz of New Year’s resolutions and feel pressure to have one or more.

And, maybe you don’t want to.

Also, change is hard. As humans, we like to avoid pain and discomfort whether it’s physical or emotional, most of us seek to avoid one or both.

As mentioned above, change requires some level of discomfort in disrupting patterns that, while we may not like, may be serving a purpose.

Perhaps you’d rather not feel the discomfort or put in the effort required to make a change or adhere to a goal. Perhaps you want to make the change or set the goal, and you’re not quite ready to or it’s not a good time.

Or, you’re just fine with how things are for you right now.

Others Don’t Want You to Change

When we change a behavior or a way of going about something, it may be uncomfortable to others.

Friends, partners or family members may not be supportive because it may not support their patterns or ways of being in a relationship with you. And that’s uncomfortable for them.

They may withhold support or attempt to sway you from engaging in the new behavior or desire for yourself.

Why do we focus on setting New Year’s resolutions?

We make New Years’ resolutions because we want something different, something new. Why we want something new is specific to each of us.

Read More: “How To Tell Yourself A New Story in The New Year”

It may be we aren’t happy with choices we’ve made, or are tired of feeling stuck, or just want a change.

We may feel pressure from other’s or society to set goals for the year, to be or do different and find ourselves engaged in the craze of making resolutions.

Some embrace the excitement of resolutions and some dismiss the idea.

Regardless of how one relates to New Year’s resolutions, we come to this place every year as a culture.

And here we are.

We are here because, though we find comfort in the known, sometimes what we know isn’t working for us anymore.  Thinking beyond “resolutions” to the idea of wanting something”new” or “different”;

While those reasons are not inherently bad – most people find that by the end of January, they have gone back to old patterns. The ones THEY wanted to change.

With that can come shame, self-criticism, minimizing how much the change was wanted.

The Benefits of Trying Something New

According to Denver therapist, Jessica Wright of Denver Metro Counseling, trying new things has many benefits on our brains and overall mental wellbeing.

Engaging in new behavior, trying out a new activity or shifting our mindset can help reduce stress, add excitement, increase self-trust, can help with motivation, and change the way your brain wires better supporting your overall mental health.

Trying something new or a new way of doing or being, can be scary, and it can be a way of better aligning with your values and what’s important to you.

It doesn’t mean you change who you are. It doesn’t have to be making a resolution and commitment to something for a whole year. Again, we’ve seen the numbers and evidence – resolutions don’t work.

In fact, they can lead to shame, self-criticism, and minimizing the reason change or new was wanted in the first place.

Trying something new is beneficial to the brain and there are ways of going about it that better support your overall mental health.

Trying something new with intention.

What Gets In the Way of Trying Something New?

According to Wright, trying new things can be extremely uncomfortable. This can be because our brains crave what’s familiar and predictable. Our brains are wired to scan for danger and it can perceive new as danger – even when it is not.

Have you heard the phrase, “people often fear what they don’t understand”?

Read More: “Your Brain On Trying New Things: The Benefits and Things To Try In Denver”

While this concept is applied to fearing others, situations, learning, and exploring, it can equally be applied to wanting to try something in a different or new way.

Wanting to try something new or a new way of doing or being, can be halted by fear of what may come or what it takes.

Over time, we develop ways of being that work to keep us safe and comfortable.

And while, those ways may have kept us safe and comfortable at one time, we start to question whether there’s a different way.

Our brains respond to “new” by attempting to protect us with sounding alarms rooted in wanting to avoid discomfort, according to Wright.

Humans can, and do, spend their life time trying to avoid discomfort and potential for pain or loss.

When we attempt to make grand gestures with resolutions and goals, we can become exhausted in unintentional efforts that aren’t aligned with an approach that can be more sustainable.

How to Try Something New with Intention

Being intentional about trying something new shifts from performative goal setting to mindfully making sustainable adjustments.

Be Curious About Why

Why do you want to make a change?

Read More: “You Aren’t Perfect – Have Compassion For Yourself Anyways”

The antidote of fear is curiosity. Being curious about your reason for wanting to try something sheds insight into how likely you are to adapt to new or resist it.

Reflect on your reasons why until you become more clear with them.

If you are wanting to try a new way of doing something because you want to appeal to others, it may be a good motivator to try.

However, if it’s not aligned with what’s important to you, you may not find joy or fulfillment in the way you hoped. You may even feel resentful.

When you become clear about your why, and it resonates from within, your reason for committing to trying something new becomes more clear.

It can help with accepting and being willing to work through any discomfort that may come up.

Check in with your Values

According to world renowned Acceptance and Commitment Therapy training, Russ Harris, values are “desired qualities of action: how you want to behave; how you want to treat yourself, others, and the world around you.”

When you are clear on what your personal values are and make decisions from a values-based place, you will feel better about the choices and changes in patterns you make.

Trying new things that align with your values, leads to more fulfilling experiences and way of going about life.

Some examples of values: integrity, honesty, curiosity, adventure, creativity, family, love, passion, achievement, knowledge, friendships, relationships, sensuality, stability, wisdom, faith, success, free time, humor, loyalty, independence, growth, nature, beauty, freedom, recognition, variety.

Unclear what your values are?

Consider these questions while reflecting on whether it is aligned with what you want or whether you choose this because others’ want this for or from you. Go with ones that resonate with what you want rather than others.

How do I want to show up in the world?

What type of person do I want to be?

What do I want others to say about me? 

Be Realistic

Are you trying to change everything all at once and forever? That’s not realistic.

Are you trying to change one thing that you do but don’t really want to make the change? Also, not likely this will be sustainable for you.

Be realistic with what you’re capable of based on what’s going on with your life – commitments, work, relationships, state of mental health, deadlines, etc.

When you decide what you’d like to try or change, reflect on whether it is realistic or not. If it needs some adjusting to fit better with reality, adjust and go from there.

For example, if you are wanting to add more movement in your life and going to a workout class every day isn’t realistic because you have other conflicting commitments, come up with ways you can move more without attending a daily workout class.

Taking the stairs instead of the elevator, parking your car further away, getting up and stretching throughout the day, doing 10 body weight squats when you stand up.

There are ways to adjust creatively to trying new things out.

Make A Plan

Start low and go slow is a great mantra. Start small and go from there.

What do you need to do to get ready for trying a new way of doing something or trying out something new?

Depending on what you’re going for, you may need support, different structure or a change in your schedule. Think through what you need and make a plan that supports trying something new.

For example, if you are wanting to start journaling, maybe you start with journaling once a week on Sunday evening versus trying to journal every night before you go to bed. Set an intention and time that you will journal each Sunday. Have a journal and pen ready to go in a place that makes sense for you to remember.

Be Flexible

Flexibility is a valuable learned behavior.

Learning to be flexible and willing to change can help you maintain a new way of being or doing something.

If you start something new and a wrench is thrown in your plan, take a deep breath and look at where you can shift to stay aligned with your plan while also adjusting to a change that may need to be made.

Wanting to make change in your life can be scary and exciting.

Setting yourself up for making change in an intentional way, can help you make a change or trying something new in a way that feels supportive and sustainable.

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Denver Therapist and Owner of Denver Metro Counseling, Julie Reichenberger

Julie Reichenberger is the Founder of Denver Metro Counseling a trauma-informed therapy practice in Denver, Colorado.

Julie saw the need for a practice that focuses on supporting therapists in attuning to their client’s needs and engaging in ongoing learning and reflection to becoming better therapists.

She has found this approach leads to happier, healthier therapists providing better care for those they work with.

Julie has been a practicing trauma therapist since 2006 and continues to support people as they explore making lasting, impactful changes in their lives.

In addition to her clinical work she provides consultation for therapists seeking support in business, EMDR therapy, suicide assessment and therapeutic support, ADHD and those wanting to dive deeper into their role as a therapist.

To learn more about Julie, check her out on Instagram, LinkedIn, or on our website.