What You Likely Don’t Know About Perfectionism And Progress

Perfectionism can show up in a variety of ways throughout your lifetime.

It may seem like some of the nuances of perfectionism don’t apply to you, and you may be surprised at what perfectionism really looks like.

When you get tripped up by perfectionism, there is a saying that can help, progress not perfection. This can be helpful in taking one step at a time and allowing yourself to make mistakes.

Learning to focus on making progress toward something rather than getting it perfect, allows you to learn and experience growth. Growth comes from learning from mistakes, learning to adapt from mistakes, and being flexible.

Focusing on perfection is a fixed, inflexible way of approaching life and can keep us stuck in unhelpful patterns, emotions and experiences.

According to Carol Dweck, Author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, “In the fixed mindset, everything is about the outcome. If you fail—or if you’re not the best—it’s all been wasted. The growth mindset allows people to value what they’re doing regardless of the outcome . They’re tackling problems, charting new courses, working on important issues.”

It may feel like mistakes are not valuable, however, they are a great way to build resiliency within your life. Whether you see perfection on social media, within your family, or at work; progress is the ultimate goal.

Being a perfectionist can stem from a belief that you aren’t good enough. And, a perfectionist mindset can have negative consequences like increased anxiety or low self-esteem from unrealistic expectations.

Even when you may have perfectionistic behavior or urges, you can help yourself through these often self-defeating thoughts or perfectionistic tendencies.

Ways that perfectionism may sneak into your life include:

• procrastination
• rumination
• giving up quickly
• learned helplessness
• isolation

Procrastination and perfectionism.

This is a tricky concept because it can often be confused with laziness. Sometimes, you may not start a project because you are afraid of messing up the task.

So, rather than make a mistake, you may avoid it all together.

Perfectionism can show up as procrastination, and you can help yourself by taking one tiny step at a time.

Rumination can also be a sign of perfectionism.

When you replay an event in your mind over and over again, you may not only be torturing yourself but also not giving yourself grace in making interpersonal mistakes.

Read More: “Don’t Underestimate The Power In Letting Go”

You can’t control what every relationship looks like and how it turns out, you can only do your best to make progress with patterns.

Rumination is tricky because it can be associated with trauma, so often, you may need to heal the original wound to move forward.

A professional like a therapist can help you through this process.

Giving up quickly can also be a sign of perfectionism.

It’s often closely related to procrastination. If something seems impossible to you once you get started, take a breath.

Let go of expectations about the outcome. You may be great at starting a task and not as skilled in finishing the task.

When this happens, you may need to make progress with your self-discipline.

Your task doesn’t have to be perfect to start, and it doesn’t have to be perfect when you finish.

Letting go and acceptance can be powerful tools in making progress with perfectionism when you give up quickly.

Learned helplessness can be a sign of perfectionistic tendencies.

Learned helplessness can be a powerful tool of manipulation because it seems like you need to be rescued in order to complete a task.

Read More: “Face Your Fears: Change Your Life”

It sets up the trauma triangle of victim, rescuer, and perpetrator.

Rather than continue this perfectionistic pattern, build your self-empowerment.

This can be done through self-love.

You can use affirmations, self-reflection, and daily positive self-talk to adjust old patterns.

You don’t have to rely on being helpless to predict an outcome.

You may see that your results can change at any time, including perfectionistic ideals that can’t be reached or achieved.

Isolation can also be a sign of perfectionism.

When you don’t feel perfect in relationships, friendships, partnerships, or at work; you may find yourself trying to achieve perfectionism through isolation.

Rather than mess up a relationship, you may start to withdraw.

When this pattern surfaces, it can be helpful to practice making mistakes with safe people.

A clinical therapist can be helpful in learning how these patterns can keep you stuck and help you find a path to unstuck.

A clinical therapist can model a safe relationship so that you can reflect on your friendships, partnerships, and work relationships.

You will experience many different relationships within your lifetime, and you can get better at all of them with practice.

Practice can help you to grow with your progress and come to terms with your imperfect ways. This won’t happen overnight, and you can still be patient with yourself.

Perfectionism can be sneaky because it may seem like it only shows up through good grades, positive remarks at work, or not letting go until you feel defeated.

However, perfectionism can be demonstrated through learned helplessness, isolation, giving up quickly, rumination, and procrastination too.

The goal is still to make progress, and you may see changes in your life by practicing what feels most difficult.

There is help available when you get overwhelmed or progress seems far away.

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Written by: Randi Thackeray, MA
Clinically Reviewed and Edited by: Julie Reichenberger, MA, LPC, ACS, ACC