I’ll be happy when… How Conditional Happiness Can Impact Your Mental Health 

Article written by Denver therapist, Jessica Wright

Have you ever had a thought such as  

“I will be happy when I get that job…”  

or  

“when I have more time, I’ll be able to go for a walk or take a break”? 

It’s common to place conditions on our mood states and the things we would like to accomplish.

Sometimes, this can be motivating but other times it can interfere with being fully present with the emotions experienced or all of the tasks we are actually accomplishing day to day. 

Read More: “Your Brain On Trying New Things: The Benefits and Things To Try In Denver”

It can often leave you chasing a feeling and disappointment can follow when that task isn’t completed or that mood isn’t felt.

The state of being conditionally happy can impact the way you engage with the world and with yourself.  

What is conditional happiness?

Conditional happiness can be defined as waiting for certain conditions or circumstances to experience the emotion of happiness.

This conditional state of being can also leave your mind jumping to the future or the past; often playing out scenarios, outcomes and planning for the situation.

On the other hand, for some people, this can also be motivating at times to set goals for the future and take action in direction of those goals. 

When conditional happiness can get in the way and how it impacts your mental health…

At times, when we set conditions on the way we feel, it can lead to setting up unrealistic expectations, and we can find ourselves in a trap of living in fear of either losing the thing driving our happiness or even a loop of jumping from one condition to the next. 

Instead of helping you feel happiness, conditional happiness can actually work against you by setting up an endless loop of chasing different conditions that may lead to anxiety and/or depression in some circumstances.  

Setting expectations and not fulfilling them can you tie you to those expectations–you will only be happy if those expectations are met and not open to any other result, and can in turn lead to disappointment and get in the way of you doing what you actually want to be doing.

Read More: “Your Brain on Gratitude”

It can lead to feeling defeated and let down by not achieving the goal you set out to achieve, thereby making it harder to find any happiness at all.  

It can limit you from being present and in the moment with the experiences that actually can work together to create a mood shift, or a feeling of happiness.

In essence, this can acutally impact your mental healthy by pulling you away from experiencing smaller moments of happienss throughout your day.  

How can I be content in all circumstances?

Focus on the present

Immerse yourself in the present moment.

A helpful tool for this is to practice observing the present as if you are a third party to your experience.

Take a mindful approach to conversations and activities you are engaging in.  

Avoid Extremes

Seek neutrality in your mood states. I believe it is a myth we are either happy or we’re not.

There is a middle ground in between that, that allows space to feel other emotions that aren’t on either extreme.

Work on finding neutrality of your emotional experience and you might even notice it teetering more on the side of happiness than you thought.  

Take a mental snapshot

The next time you find yourself feeling happiness or joy, take a moment, pause and snap a mental picture of how you’re feeling.

This can encompass physiological sensations, your mood, and other factors that are part of that moment.

It can be used as a tool to reference a time when you want to remember what happiness or neutrality feels like for you.

It’s an act of creating a roadmap of ways to access that mood state.  

Benefits of focusing on what is for your mental health  

Focusing on the present moment can lead to a more sustainable feeling of happiness.

Read More: “Embracing Your Inner Critic: A Guide to Managing Negative Self-Talk”

It can offer the ability to be resiliant in situations, often leading you to adjust and rebound more quickly when faced with a situation that doesn’t produce a desired outcome. 

This thought process can position you to set realisitc goals that are attainable because you are not tieing your self-worth to your mood state which can allow more space to focus on goals that are more realistic and attainable.  

Conditional mood states can sometimes be helpful in motivating us to work towards goals with intention and purpose.

It is important to identify if this trap is causing you to be hooked by thoughts of “what if” and are preventing you from living the life you want to be living. 

Instead of the “what ifs” begin to focus on the “what is” and honor your mood state in the moment!  

***

Denver Therapist, Jessica Wright

Licensed Denver therapist, Jessica Wright is all about present moment awareness and the benefits this practice has on your mental health.

Jessica helps people who want to make a mindful change in their life and specializes in helping people navigate changes in life, anxiety, depression, disordered eating, and trauma.

Jessica loves providing education on the neurology of the brain and gets excited about sharing the connections between brain activity changes in mental health.

Learn more about Jessica on our instagram page @denvermetrocounseling and her bio on our website.

Or, schedule a contact our intake coordinator to schedule a free consultation today.