Facing Grief: Returning to Life After the Death of a Loved One

Article Written By: Molly Ward, LCSW, LAC

Life after the death of a loved one can be an incredibly dark time.

The world continues to move on while you feel stuck in your pain.

You think, “how could the world just keep moving?” You question how you will go on. 

Grief is complex and it’s important to take as much time as you can before jumping back into every day life. But when the time is right, we have to start integrating back into “normal” life, when nothing feels normal. 

Navigating your new normal can be exceptionally hard.

For others, getting right back to things may be a way to distract or avoid from the intense feelings of the loss.

Below are some tips that have helped both myself and my clients with returning to life after the loss of a loved one.

Tips for Returning to Life After the Death of a Loved One

Re-engage With Friends

You might find that it is not easy to be around others, especially those that are not connected to your pain.

Read More: “Moving Forward While Grieving What Once Was”

Re-engaging socially can be an important tool to manage your grief, but certain boundaries can help when getting back into the swing of things.

This may mean saying “no” to events, only spending time with people in small settings or one-on-one, or only seeing people for a short visit.

This may also mean being clear about what you may need when you do reconnect.

Maybe you just need to cry, maybe you want to reflect on funny or heart-warming stories about your loved one, or maybe you just need a light-hearted distraction. 

Whatever you do, make sure that you’re surrounding yourself with people that you can be open about your grief with and people who understand you.

Grief comes in waves and we need to be prepared to meet our needs in social settings.

Getting Back to Work

The most important part of returning to work is letting others know what’s going on in your life.

Read More: “How to Process Grief With Patience and Love For Yourself”

You may be wanting a distraction or to avoid it, but even telling your coworkers or boss that you don’t want to talk about it can be a helpful boundary.

The more others know, the more they can be understanding and supportive when something inevitably comes up, and the more comfortable you will feel while going through this difficult time.

You may also need to set more boundaries around your workload, hours, or what your days look like. After the death of a loved one, even a pet, our capacity reduces while we navigate grief.

Don’t expect that you’re going to be able to do things at the capacity that you used to or the way that you used to.

Work with your employer to adjust your schedule or tasks as needed or to create more space through out the day. It’s essential that you do not push yourself too hard.

Take Care of Yourself

It may be comforting to get back to routine in some ways, but you also need to give yourself some space to accept grief as it comes up.

Start with small steps of re-integrating into your routine and focus on the basics. Some days, this may mean just making sure you brush your teeth in the morning or eat a full meal.

On other days, this may mean integrating some gentle movement. You may also consider integrating new routines, such as journaling or engaging in grief therapy or grief support groups.

Whatever these small steps are for you, having some sort of routine is important structure that gives us a sense of control or purpose when feeling absolutely powerless.

Be Loving and Compassionate with Yourself Through Grief

The most important tool to navigate grief is compassion for yourself. Grief is not linear and each moment can feel different.

Read More: “Grief Is Inevitable: Understanding Grief Can Help You Through”

Grief is also much more long-lasting than society may portray. It’s not just as simple as there being a bereavement period and then you move on. Grief doesn’t necessarily go away, life just continues to grow around it.

Do not put any time frame on your process or have any expectations. 

It’s also crucial that you do not shame yourself if you’re not acting like yourself.

It’s okay to feel angry and sad. It’s also okay to feel happy and accepting.

You will feel all of these feelings at times and nothing during other times.

Whatever you’re feeling, just know that’s exactly where you are supposed to be.

No two experiences of grief are the same. 

Grief is also incredibly sneaky, showing up when you least expect it or during the most trivial times. Be compassionate with your feelings, your reactions, and know that grief will always comes and go. 

Life after the death of a loved one is an incredibly raw and profound time and nothing can prepare you for its impact.

These ways of integrating back into your new normal are not fixes and will not take away from the pain of your loss.

However, they can help with managing your grief and helping you find meaning in your life again.

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Denver Therapist, Molly Ward

Molly is a therapist with Denver Metro Counseling since January 2019.

Molly brings a lightness and compassion to our team and this shines through her work with her clients.

Molly is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Licensed Addictions Counselor. She offers teen therapy, young adult therapy, adult therapy, and family therapy. She also runs a wellness-based group for teen girls in Denver.

If you’re interested in learning more about Molly, in addition to our website, you can also find her on on Instagram as Therapy_With_Molly.