Counseling for Chronic Illness: Making the Invisible Visible

Article written by Denver therapist, Meghan Stetson

“But … you don’t look sick!”  

Have you been on the receiving end of this before? It is a commonly heard statement for those who experience chronic illness.  

While it is well-meaning, it can land as invalidating for someone who feels invalidated and invisible regularly — and who may have even received similarly discouraging remarks from doctors along the way in their quest for care. 

THE INVISIBILITY OF CHRONIC ILLNESS 

You can clearly see when someone is experiencing an acute physical injury – a sprained ankle or a broken elbow, for example – or an acute illness like the common cold or the flu.

Read More: “How Mindfulness Helps With Anxiety”

While the experience of chronic illness can certainly include illnesses that *are* visible to the naked eye, the vast majority are not.  

Many chronic illnesses include inflammation, pain, tissue or organ damage, among many other things, that all live *inside* of us – beyond the reach of our physical eyes alone.  

Invisible. 

THE PRESSURES OF FITTING IN WHILE LIVING WITH CHRONIC ILLNESS 

The pressure to “look normal,” “fit in,” and “keep up” when you live with chronic illness, is unspoken and overwhelming in a society driven by productivity and appearances.  

This is the weight of capitalism and its offspring: ableism and internalized ableism. 

Those with chronic illness frequently implicitly feel we must mask what is truly going on in order to gain a sense of belonging or acceptance, or because we fear discrimination in the workplace or other settings.  

The standard we are expected to attain is one rooted in the idea that everyone else is able-bodied, so we should appear to be, too.  

COMMON SYMPTOMS EXPERIENCED WITH CHRONIC ILLNESS 

Though everyone’s experience with chronic illness is unique to them, some commonly shared physical symptoms of the chronic illness experience are: 

• Chronic fatigue: This can look like sleeping for 14+ hours just to make it through the next day of work,  
• Brain fog: Needing extra effort to concentrate through fogginess, which can lead to forgetfulness, making errors, and even migraines,  
• Fear: Fearing what may be next in terms of symptoms or loss of ability, 
• Pain: Type of pain varies from person to person, and can be in any area of the body.  

All these symptoms are invisible, and many people will skim over sharing them to avoid making others uncomfortable.

In this subconscious quest for acceptance, we end up still feeling alone and oftentimes even more tired. 

THE ISOLATION OF LIVING WITH CHRONIC ILLNESS 

In order to “see” the experiences of chronic illness, people must have awareness and genuine curiosity about this lived experience.

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In order to share these intimate and difficult experiences with others, it helps to feel safe and know trust is present.  

Unfortunately, our day-to-day lives are not commonly structured for this kind of seeing and for this kind of sharing to be easily accessible.

It’s inconvenient, slows things down, and is simply just not commonly discussed openly because it’s uncomfortable.  

People so frequently just don’t know what to do with it. It can feel like an unwelcome reminder of the human condition of mortality that we all share but try not to look at too much. 

60% of American adults live with 1 chronic disease and 40% live with 2 or more; 20% of American adults have chronic pain.

Despite the overwhelming prevalence of chronic illness in America, people who experience it oftentimes feel isolated, alone, and invisible.  

THE IMPACTS OF CHRONIC ILLNESS ON MENTAL HEALTH 

These experiences, while invisible to others, profoundly impact the mental health of the person living in this reality – almost no area of life is untouched. 

First, there is how someone’s internal world and experience of themselves can be impacted – mood disturbance, anxiety, depression, sense of helplessness, sense of hopelessness, suicidal ideation, identity crisis, fear of death – all of these are common experiences.

People experience nervous system dysregulation, lowered stress resiliency, and lack of trust in their body. 

Then, there is how someone’s experience in the world and in relationships can shift.

Chronic illness can come with an increased and sometimes unwanted need for alone time, challenges in building and maintaining relationships and intimacy, and fear of stigma socially.

People with chronic illness can also internalize systemic issues including ableism and medical gaslighting, and face the daunting task of navigating the medical and insurance systems with a high frequency. 

THE BENEFITS OF COUNSELING FOR CHRONIC ILLNESS 

Counseling for chronic illness can help.

Read More: “Considering Therapy? Here’s What You Should Look For When Choosing A Therapist For You.”

Through therapy and counseling clients experience the following benefits, and more: 

• Ability to turn towards challenge and difficulty 
• Greater acceptance of unwanted changes that illness and pain bring 
• Easing the inevitable health-related anxiety and catastrophic thoughts related to health 
• Connecting or reconnecting to your body and learning to listen to its messages  
• Learning mindfulness techniques that support how to be with pain in a helpful, rather than harmful, way 
• Reclaiming a sense of safety in their body 
• Understanding how to navigate fluctuations in the nervous system and how to come back to regulation with intention 
• Reclaiming trust in themselves and their own inner voice and knowing 
• Unpacking their own internalized ableism and internalized gaslighting 
• Reclaiming a sense of purpose and healthy sense of self 
• Ability to make meaning out of difficult experiences 

WHAT DOES COUNSELING FOR CHRONIC ILLNESS LOOK LIKE? 

In the realm of mental health, the invitation should always be there for you to bring your whole self to counseling.  

The foundation of counseling for chronic illness at Denver Metro Counseling goes a step further.

In order to make the invisible visible: we bring active awareness and inquiry about your experience of your body and your experience of illness and pain, into the conversation about your mental health.  

We want to bring chronic illness out of the shadows and into the light with you so that we can fully see you and the wholeness of your lived experience. 

And at DMC, we know that “mental” health is not just mental. Mind and body are not separate, and we counsel from that awareness. 

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Denver Therapist, Meghan Stetson

Meghan is a Denver therapist who specializes in therapy counseling for chronic illness, chronic disease, and those living with chronic pain.

While counseling does not get rid of these chronic conditions, it can be helpful in validating those with chronic conditions experiences.

In addition to providing mind-body therapy approaches to counseling for chronic illness, Meghan also provides therapy for those with a history of trauma, anxiety, depression and codependency.

Meghan is trained in Polyvagal theory and Somatic therapy through Naropa University in Boulder, Colorado.

She brings a lightness and groundedness to her work with clients. As a person who struggles with chronic illness herself, Meghan gets it. Though each person’s experience is unique to them, there are some common threads across the board.

Learn more about therapy for chronic illness on Denver Metro Counseling’s chronic illness counseling page. Learn more about Meghan Stetson in her bio or through her instagram page @meghanstetson.