Supporting Loved Ones With Thoughts of Suicide

It can be a difficult subject to broach with family and friends.

You may hear the word and not know where to turn or what to do.

We are talking about the often secretive subject of suicide.

Having thoughts of suicide is a common experience.

Talking about suicide when those thoughts become more intense is often met with dismissal, fear, and even responses that lead to harm to the person sharing their thoughts about suicide.

The topic of suicide can be alarming and even when you want to hear about someone’s troubles, you may not feel prepared to talk about suicide and how it shows up in an individual’s life.

Empathy and understanding can be the difference between someone speaking to you about what they are feeling or not.

Providing a lifeline of support can mean that you save a life, and you don’t need all the answers to make that happen.

Understanding And Recognizing Signs Of Suicidal Thoughts

It can be challenging to understand and recognize the signs of suicidal thoughts. Sometimes people dismiss them altogether.

Read More: “Suicide Prevention Starts With Awareness of the Individual Impact of Suicide”

Rather than ignore or pretend that the signs of suicide aren’t happening with a loved one, prepare to start a conversation with love and understanding.

If you aren’t sure of the signs of suicide, according to the Mayo Clinic, they can include:

·      Withdraw from social contact and want to be left alone

·      Talk about suicide like “I wish I were dead,” “I wish I had never been born,” and “I want to die”

·      Increase the use of alcohol and drugs

·      Do risky or self-destructive things

·      Say final goodbyes to people

·      Have mood swings, like angry one day and incredibly sad the next day

These signs can be a reason to start a conversation that includes empathy and compassion so that you can help provide support to a loved one. You don’t have to fix the problem to be part of their support.

The Importance of Empathy and Compassion 

The subject of suicide can be daunting for anyone, especially the person considering it. Rather than be dismissive or try to fix it immediately, empathy and compassion can go a long way.

According to Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW, not everyone who is having suicidal thoughts can or wants to get help. You don’t have to be a professional to provide care. You can point a person in the direction of professional support, and in the moment, you can still show up with empathy and compassion.

Part of being empathetic may mean that you ask questions so that you can be sensitive to suicidal thoughts and still get information to provide the most amount of help.

Some questions may include:

·      How are you coping with what’s happening in your life?

·      Do you feel like giving up?

·      Are you thinking about hurting yourself?

·      Are you thinking about suicide?

·      Are you thinking about dying?

Many people think that talking about suicide may push someone to end their life; however, the opposite can be true.

By talking about suicide and how real of a threat it can be in someone’s life, you are providing a space to have a conversation about scary thoughts.

As hard as it may be to manage, try to respond rather than react.

Allow your friend or loved one to have a listening ear without judgement.

Talking about problems can be an antidote to shame, and suicide is often associated with shame. Just by listening without judgement and offering support you can help your loved ones.

Creating A Safe And Supportive Environment

Listening without judgement can be the start to creating a safe and supportive environment, and it is not the only way to offer support to a loved one who is seeking suicide as an option.

Read More: “What Everybody Ought To Know About Suicide Prevention Month”

According to the Mayo Clinic, creating a safe and supportive environment may include:

Encourage the person to talk to you.

Even though you are not a professional, it is a place to start and you may be a safe person to tell.

Avoid shock or an extreme reaction when someone tells you about their suicidal thoughts so that you can keep the conversation going and continue to create a safe space.

Avoid keeping secrets. 

If someone shares their suicidal thoughts with you, let them know that you can’t keep it a secret. Solve the problem with them instead of making them the problem.

This may mean that together you find resources that can help the person who is looking at suicide as an option.

Provide Hope.

Dismissing the seriousness of a share can put the safe space you have created in jeopardy.

Providing hope doesn’t mean saying things like “you have everything to live for” or “things could be worse.”

Instead, provide hope through suggestions like a new coping strategy without talking down to the person or being critical of them.

Help them to picture a version of themselves that is tangible and brings comfort to them.

This may mean that you ask them to think about wishes and dreams they have had in the past so that they can conjure them up again.

According to Denver therapist, Julie Reichenberger, who specializes in working with those who experience suicidal thoughts:

“It’s important to be mindful of how your loved one responds to your support. Notice if they shut down or become defensive. If you notice this, ask if they need something else from you. Is there something that might feel more supportive right now? Ask them.

It’s important not to feel as though it is on you to stop someone from having thoughts of suicide, rather, just provide a place for them to talk about their thoughts – if you are comfortable with this.

People are often afraid to talk about their thoughts of suicide because they are quickly met with others wanting to change their thoughts, get them evaluated for safety, and being labeled as though there is something wrong with them.

By fostering curiosity, seeking to understand, and providing support as needed by the person with suicidal thoughts, we can bridge a gap that so many experience with regards to suicidality- loneliness and isolation.” 

Encouraging Professional Help And Resources 

Being a friend or family member to a loved one who is considering suicide doesn’t mean you have to do it alone. There is professional help and resources available for you and them.

By calling 988 in the United States, you can talk with a person about the suicidal thoughts you are having. This means that you can help to alleviate the immediate stress of a final solution. There is help available.

Read More: “The Power of Hope in Mental Health”

You are not alone with this even if you have connected with resources like calling 988 or the Colorado Crisis Center.

At Denver Metro Counseling, we have trauma-informed therapists who can help you, your friend and loved one navigate suicidal thoughts.

It is important to make sure the therapist you are connecting with regarding suicidality aligns with your values and can meet you with compassion, curiosity, and a desire to hear to understand.

For those who struggle with thoughts of suicide, often, finding help can be a challenge as they may be met with therapists who don’t want to take the time to support someone through their suicidality – however it looks for them – and can leave someone feeling worse.

Whether you are increasing substance use, experiencing anxiety or depression, or simply having feelings of not wanting to live, there are supports in place. They are available for you and your loved ones.

You are not alone.

Help is available.

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Written by: Randi Thackeray, MA
Clinically Reviewed and Edited by Denver therapist: Julie Reichenberger, MA, LPC, ACS, NCC