Mental Health and Dating: Ways To Manage Dating Anxiety

Article written by Denver therapist, Jessica Wright

When is comes to dating, one simple fact is true- Dating is HARD.

Between the waiting to games that come up it can make it challenging to stay focused on yourself and vales the you find yourself in a new dating situation. It can impact your mental health in a variety of ways.

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In a society of anxiety, in general, we are looking for certainly and the innate concept of dating guarantees uncertainty in the situation.

This feeling of uncertainty can hinder our ability to remain present and focus on the things that matter to you most.

Dating can also impact your mental health in a variety of positive ways, including exploring the way you show up in different dynamics, ways you interact with your value system and can also release many neurochemicals that make you feel good.

What we often fail to realize is that dating in itself consistent of uncertainty.

I like to refer to this stage of a relationship as the “in between.” The time when you are newly getting to know someone, and haven’t quite defined what the relationship is.

When we find ourselves in this place, anxiety tends to creep in, leaving us feel pretty uncertain and often questioning what is going to happen next.

Knowing that anxiety is present during this time, here are some tips to staying present in the “in between”.

Ways to Manage Anxiety When Dating

Frequently check in with yourself

This means doing a reflective check in with your thoughts and feelings about the dynamic, yourself, the other person, and yourself with the other person.

Ask yourself what thoughts you are experiencing, what you are noticing in your body, and if this is a situation you feel good about.

Many times we are just seeking that feeling of certainty without consideration for how we meet feel about the other person.

Stay connected to yourself

When we are newly dating, we may find ourselves getting lost in the excitement and the general newness of it all.

Often times, people will put their needs. Interests, and even hobbies to the side out of fear for halting the process of moving out of the in between and advancing the relationship.

When you stay connected and grounded in your sense of self, you are better equipped to make decisions that are values based and will ultimately lead a more sustainable relationship.

Transparency in communication

The most important part of dating seems like it should be the most basic, but is often the hardest: communication.

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Make it a priority to be clear about what each other needs in terms of communication.

Often times, we might be saying the same things, or have good intentions, but miscommunication and failure to communicate in a way the other person needs can lead to anxiety, frustration, and ultimately resentment.

On the other hand, being upfront about communication can help you both navigate complicated situations easier, leave you feeling more confident, optimistic, and reassured about developing the connection you want while also helping to ease feelings of anxiety.

Use your biology to your advantage

When you are in a new relationship and feel the excitement of it, your brain releases neurochemicals, specifically dopamine, which comes from the rewards center of our brains.

This is the reason why you feel a rush when your partner texts you back or “butterflies” in your stomach at the thought of seeing them again.

Dopamine is known as the “feel-good” hormone and can support motivation and focus.

A release of dopamine can impact the activities that we engage in.

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For instance, when we engage in an activity where dopamine is produced, we might find ourselves feeling more motivated and focused, thereby making us want to engage more in those activities that give us that feeling.

Focus on engaging in other activities that you know elicit a similar feeling can support overall in improving that anxious feeling.
Knowing the ways dating can impact your mental health puts you in a position to create a “cope-ahead” plan, which means if you can anticipate the way you might think or feel in a situation, you are able to have a plan for handling it.

Dating can be really challenging because it requires you to be open and honest not only with another person, but with yourself.

It’s important to remember that everyone goes through these situations in one way or another, and all of your feelings are valid.

Being in tune with the way you’re feeling through noticing thoughts, actively communicating, and most importantly staying connected to yourself can lead to you feeling more mindful in your journey of dating.

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Denver Therapist, Jessica Wright

Jessica is a Denver therapist who helps people learn to navigate the nuances of relationships by tapping into knowing themselves better.

She bring brain science into her approach in working with clients and loves helping people learn about the neural pathways of the brain and how we can impact change in our brains with mindfulness, thoughtfulness, and trauma-informed approaches to mental health care.

Jessica provides therapy throughout Colorado virtually for adults working through changes in life, navigating relationships, exploring trauma responses, and those seeking to improve their wellbeing through mindfulness, compassion for self, and gratitude practices.

To learn more about Jessica, check out her bio on our website here.