How To Lessen The Drama In Your Life

According to the Oxford dictionary, drama – in the relational sense – is an exciting, emotional, or unexpected series of events or set of circumstances.

Psychologically, the experience of drama can be quite enticing even when you may believe you don’t want drama in your life.

Drama has a wrap for being too much, unappealing as a concept, and often identified as a “turn-off”. Yet, we so often seek and engage in this emotional experience, perhaps, without awareness.

Drama can be everywhere when we look for it — our favorite tv shows, on social media, in our friendship groups, family circles, and maybe even in our own lives.

When you seek drama, you are likely to find it.

Finding drama can be appealing because it creates excitement when life might be otherwise boring or mundane.

Some dramatic moments may happen in everyday life, and they normally accompany major life transitions according to Psychiatrist, Abigail Brenner, MD.

When it comes to the everyday moments, drama can happen when small things are made to be bigger by choices made in friendships, at work, and within partnerships.

At Denver Metro Counseling, we are asking, are you attracted to drama?

How do you know if you are attracted to drama?

You seek out people who are creating drama.

Read More: “Get By With A Little Help From Your Friends: A Guide To Making Friends In Denver”

If you are consistently staying in contact with people who seem to have trouble in their lives that won’t go away, you may be choosing drama.

Unhealthy relationships can lead to unnecessary drama or unhealthy, dramatic behavior.

An example of this can mean staying in touch with people who are in contact with a previous partner, gossiping with a friend about another person, or even chatting with family members about other family members.

These choices can create more drama in your life and also lead to more trouble than it is worth.

It may show up as anxiety, worry, seeking pleasure and excitement at your detriment, sadness, and maybe even desperation

You feel excited when you gossip.

Gossip can be a quick way to connect with people, and just as fast, you can lose friendships that matter because of it.

When you gossip, you may not know the whole story before you share a story with another person.

It can feel juicy and fun in the moment, and it can be a sign that you are addicted to drama.

Another form of gossip is the idea of being in a trauma bond with someone. This is when two or more people have a bonding experience due to a shared traumatic or upsetting information.

While this can serve as a means of feeling supported, it can become all-encompassing when that is the only relational tie you have with someone.

Because of the emotions, sense of connection through a shared experience, and highs that follow lows in relating over a harmful or painful experience, being bonded over a trauma can feel quite appealing in the moment.

You insert yourself into other people’s business.

Often, people who engage in dramatic behaviors want to be in the middle of everything because it can feel exciting to be needed. Sometimes, this can be a way to also feel wanted or valued.

Being part of the mix can get troublesome when you start to make major events out of small shifts.

It can seem harmless and even kind to show up for a friend or loved one during a time of need, and sometimes, you may have to ask yourself whether your intention matches the outcome.

Are you there help or to know what is going on in someone else’s life?

Being a rescuer in a situation can mean that you are seeking out drama or creating unnecessary conflict.

Even if you identify with being a dramatic person, there are ways to lessen the drama in your life.

You don’t have to continue a pattern because you have lived it up to this moment.

You can change with small, everyday shifts within your lifestyle.

How can you start to lessen the drama in your life?

Consider your relationships.

Read More: “Questions To Consider When Navigating Relationships In Your Life”

One of the biggest pathways to more drama is the people you surround yourself with on a daily basis.

If you find that the people you are around consistently make choices that lead to trouble or emotional highs and lows, it may be time to remove or take a pause with the relationships.

If you know that an evening will end in tears, angry outbursts, violence, or substance use with certain relationships, and you don’t want that to be part of your life, it may be time to stop spending time with the people who are choosing those activities.

When it comes to stopping or pausing a relationship, you don’t need to judge the person or people involved in order to separate.

Accept that you need a different type of relationship and move forward.

Start normalizing that friendships don’t have to last forever and people let go sometimes. Letting go of unhealthy relationships leaves room for new, healthier relationships to form.

Stay focused on yourself.

The irony is that by focusing on yourself you can improve relationships with others.

If you are worried about what other people are doing, you may not be worried about how you can help yourself.

Self-development is a continuous process without an ending point.

Instead of anticipating someone else’s needs and enabling them with choices that don’t match your own values, learn to stay in your own lane as they say in the rooms of recovery.

If a problem doesn’t have your name in it, chances are it’s not your problem to solve.

Build boundaries.

We talk about boundaries a lot at Denver Metro Counseling because we know and see the benefits over and over.

Read More: “5 Ways To Resolve Conflict With A Healthy Approach”

Building boundaries can take a lot of work; maintaining boundaries can be even tougher.

The best way to build a boundary is to practice.

Learn to say no about joining friends that no longer align with your values, partnerships that don’t bring you joy, and work spaces that are leading to burnout from toxicity.

Mild discomfort doesn’t necessarily mean you need to make a boundary. Though it may be an early sign.

Look for places in your life where you don’t feel like your most authentic, joyous self.

If people, places, or things aren’t supportive to your overall mental health, chances are you need a boundary in place.

If you are feeling resentful, this can also be a sign that a boundary is needed.

Instead of gossiping about a person, make a boundary with them. It’s may be tougher, but can lead to less drama.

Boundaries fall on a spectrum. They can be anywhere from not spending as much time with someone, only seeing people in certain settings that feel good or can be as big as ending the relationship.

As much as you might want to lessen the drama in your life, it may feel exciting. This is why you may follow along with gossip on social media, tv shows, and in your own life.

Being attracted to excitement and drama may feel normal, especially if you grew up with a childhood that had excessive gossip, substance use, violence, or another form of trauma.

If you are ready to make a shift, you are in the right spot.

At Denver Metro Counseling, our clinical team of therapists specialize in taking a trauma-informed approach to navigating relationships and patterns you may be questioning.

When it comes to drama, you don’t have to keep doing the same thing and expecting different results. There are solutions that can be supportive for you in your own life.

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Written by: Randi Thackeray, MA
Clinically Reviewed and Edited by: Julie Reichenberger, MA, LPC, ACS, NCC