5 Tips To Help You Effectively Communicate As A Neurodivergent Person

One of the top qualities in successful relationships is communication.

Communication can be difficult for everyone, and if you identify as neurodivergent or have been diagnosed with a condition correlating with neurodivergence, there is even more reason to get your signals crossed when it comes to holding a healthy conversation.

This doesn’t mean that you need to stop being yourself, rather, it is learning to be yourself while using tools that can help you feel more effective in being yourself and communicating that lead to more understanding and connection.

Discussions with other people can be difficult because of different perspectives, personality types, and backgrounds. People can make the mistake of projecting their beliefs onto others.

Sometimes, this can bring up the question that gets asked in the rooms of recovery, Would you rather be right or happy?

When you don’t feel like you fit into the same communication approach as colleagues, friends, and family members; it may be time to get creative.

One of the assets of being neurodivergent is the creativity that comes along with it, and communication is no different.

What does it mean to be neurodivergent?

Neurodiversity is a term used to describe how people interact with the world in many different ways due to brain development and behaviors, according to Nicole Baumer, MD, Med of Harvard University.

Some of the conditions that are diagnosed, which correlate with neurodivergence can include but are not limited to; ADHD, Autism, dyslexia, dysgraphia, PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), CPTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder), OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), bipolar, and epilepsy.

How can I use my skills to effectively communicate?

There is not a one size fits all approach to communication; however, you can follow these tips to help empower yourself with your communication skills as a neurodivergent:

1. Prepare questions:

Read More: “How To Make Lasting Changes With ADHD/ADD”

If you know that you will have a conversation about a certain topic, you can prepare ahead of time.

Take a breath and reflect before the conversation happens.

It can feel overwhelming in the moment to stay engaged and can lead to forgetting what you want to say, tracking the conversation, hearing the other person clearly, expressing yourself clearly.

Breathing calms your nervous system and can give you space to gather your thoughts, process what you are hearing and want to say and keep you engaged.

By preparing questions that you know you want to ask ahead of time, you can focus and stick with a common solution that is helpful for both parties.

This will free up your working memory to stay engaged and still get your voice heard no matter if the conversation is with a family member, friend, colleague, or authority figure.

Preparation can be the key to validating yourself in the moment and staying on track.

2. Check in with your nervous system.

You can regulate your nervous system better than anyone else.

If you feel like your body temperature is rising, your amygdala is reacting to the situation, or your nervous system is on high alert; it may be time to use strategies to help yourself.

You don’t have to ignore yourself to make others around you more comfortable.

You are allowed to voice your concerns. This may sound like:

I am feeling a little overwhelmed. I need to take a breath and gather my thoughts. 

I am having a difficult time staying in my body. Can we find another time to talk once I have time to reflect?

I can’t come up with a solution right now. Can we create a new deadline together?

I want to be fully present for this conversation, and I am not able to do that right now. When is another time we can talk?

This is really important to me, and I need some time to process what we’ve already talked about. 

There is no perfect strategy, and you still get to be part of conversations.

Some conversations can’t be delayed or will be impulsively organized.

To calm your nervous system in those moments, you can wiggle your fingers and toes, practice mindfulness, and take deep breaths.

Being neurodivergent doesn’t mean you are excluded from the discussion; it means that you will have the opportunity to use the creative tools that are already within you to add to the discussion.

3. Consider a variety of perspectives: 

Sometimes, having a predictable outcome can mean safety within yourself.

Read More: “5 Ways To Resolve Conflict With A Healthy Approach”

It is challenging to think about solutions that don’t align with your initial ideas, especially when they have been practiced for a while.

If you identify as neurodivergent, it doesn’t mean that you are the only person who needs to compromise, and it can be an opportunity to weigh another perspective.

By listening, you are developing skills with communication and can learn how to effectively communicate going forward, even if it means you are noticing what not to do.

You can start to think about effective communicators in your life and model your skills after them.

Consider questions like; What makes this person a strong communicator? How do I feel after speaking with this person? What skills do I have that this person also has inside of them?

4. Embrace your creativity. 

Communication requires creativity too. When you lean into your strengths like creativity, you are being asset based, which can lead to more effective conversations.

Think about how your strengths can help you to be a better communicator.

You may have practice with drawing a picture, writing in a journal, or trading information rather than having a discussion.

Consider what elements you can bring into conversations to help make them successful for you.

The people who identify as neurodivergent in your work life, home life, and relationships will likely be grateful for a method of communication that validates them too.

5. Plan solutions and prepare to fail. 

In the rooms of recovery, expectations are known as premeditated resentments. You are not going to be perfect at communication, and there are many ways to make progress.

If you are able to prepare a few solutions before you have a conversation with someone, this can help you to stay focused on the topic. And, having potential solutions ready, show you are engaged in the conversation and doesn’t always mean they will be used.

Learning to lean into flexibility when coming to solutions together can be helpful in navigating communication with others.

Having structures in place allows for flexibility.

If you have a wobbly foundation, it is more difficult to build atop of it. You can go in with ideas of your own, things you want to say, and solutions that may be beneficial to both parties. It is okay if all or none of your ideas work.

Communication can be tricky, and when you identify as a neurodivergent individual, it can feel impossible and frustrating.

Honoring yourself while being flexible can be the key to effective communication within relationships you value.

Holding conversations will be part of your daily life, so it is worth it to build the skills that are already within you.

Whether you have a neurodiverse partner or are neurodivergent worker, developing skills to support your neurodiversity can improve your mental health.

A social interaction doesn’t have to be painful when you acknowledge your communication style, even if that means relying on small talk or avoiding it all together.

If you feel like you need support, Denver Metro Counseling has therapists who specialize in working with individuals who have ADHD and other neurodivergent conditions.

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Written by: Randi Thackeray, MA
Clinically Reviewed and Edited by: Julie Reichenberger, MA, LPC, ACS, ACC