Attachment Trauma: What It Is & How to Heal

Most people have a basic understanding of what trauma is.

Unfortunately, most of us will experience at least one traumatic event throughout our lives.

What fewer seem to recognize is that there are different types of trauma, and they can impact you differently in everything from relationships to your career.

Attachment trauma, for example, doesn’t necessarily stem from one specific event. Rather, it’s an emotional response to negative disruptions with caregivers or parents early in life.

The effects of attachment trauma can linger well into adulthood, affecting your quality of life and relationships.

Let’s take a closer look at what attachment trauma really is and how you can begin your journey to understanding and healing.

What Is Attachment Trauma?

Ideally, every child would grow up with loving, attentive caregivers, however, that isn’t always the case.

Read More: “How Attachment Styles Relate To Fear of Abandonment In Relationships”

In a healthy attachment relationship with a caregiver or parent, a child’s basic needs are met like food, shelter, and medical care.

In addition, when they are upset or hurt, they are comforted and feel as though they can go to a caregiver for emotional support.

They experience consistency in knowing what the rules are, knowing how their parents will respond to and support them, and know when their parents will be home – generally.

Many children experience inconsistencies in care and emotional attunement.

They may feel as though they need to take care of their parent’s emotional needs or even their siblings. Children who experience inconsistencies in care, abuse, neglect growing up are at risk of developing attachment trauma.

When you don’t have a secure attachment as a child, it impacts your ability to trust.

You might not feel secure in other relationships, even years later.

Attachment trauma can also impact early childhood development, especially when it comes to emotional security.

You might have a difficult time with emotion regulation, which can further affect your relationships.

Signs of Attachment Trauma

Some adults might not realize they have attachment trauma because they’ve tried to block out or repress the things that occurred throughout childhood.

Read More: “The Balanced Relationship:Understanding Interdependence and Codependence”

With these attempts, the symptoms often still appear, even if you aren’t sure where they stem from.

While symptoms might look different for everyone, some of the most common include fear of abandonment, intimacy issues, and self-sabotaging behaviors in relationships.

You might also struggle with self-esteem and have a hard time expressing emotions.

These symptoms can lead to unhealthy relationship patterns.

You might become dependent on whoever you’re in a relationship with, and that not only takes away your sense of self-worth but potentially opens you up to an emotionally abusive situation.

People with attachment trauma are often willing to do whatever it takes to “keep” the people they’re in relationships with.

It goes beyond people-pleasing and often creates an unhealthy dynamic triggered by a fear of abandonment.

Please, don’t leave me. 

Others may avoid relationships all together or avoid getting too close emotionally with their partner or friends.

This is a learned response often as a child of keeping people at a distance because they have been unreliable or it was not emotionally safe to be close. Also, a fear-based and protective way of being in relationships as an adult.

If I don’t get too close, then I can’t get hurt. 

That person is too needy and it’s too much for me.

What Can You Do?

The first step in overcoming the effects of attachment trauma is to acknowledge it.

Do some self-reflection and work to understand your attachment style, as well as your triggers.

If an attachment trauma from childhood has impacted your relationships throughout life, you don’t have to continue living that way.

You also don’t have to go through your healing journey alone.

Self-care is an important part of healing. It can help you recognize your worth and value, boost your self-esteem, and improve your mental well-being.

However, when it comes to attachment trauma, self-care practices are likely not enough to help you better understand the root of your attachment trauma and how to overcome it.

Read More: “How Trauma Therapy is Helpful fo Trauma”

Trauma therapy is often one of the ways to do that – with a trauma-trained therapist who specializes in attachment trauma and with whom you feel trust.

Therapy can help you better understand when and how your attachment trauma began.

Even if you think you’ve forgotten or tried to push down those memories, your therapist will work with you to identify what happened and any triggers that might be impacting you now.

You’ll also learn healthy, effective ways to cope with your symptoms as you walk forward on your healing journey.

Other helpful paths to healing can include support groups, couples counseling, family therapy, body-based and energy work, reading books and listening to podcasts that speak to attachment styles and attachment trauma.

Attachment trauma caused by inconsistent, neglectful, or abusive caregivers can shape your identity for too long if you let it.

It doesn’t have to be who you are forever.

If you’re interested in learning more about attachment trauma and how you can start the healing process, contact us today.

We will set you up with a free 20-minute consultation with one of our trauma-trained therapists in Denver to get you started.

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At Denver Metro Counseling, our clinical team prioritizes trauma training and relational work with clients. We take client feedback seriously and work with our clients to create an environment that feels conducive to their relational needs.

Our trauma trained therapists utilize attachment-based therapy approaches to help clients work through their attachment trauma in a gentle and thoughtful way.

Navigating attachment trauma impacts relationships and we keep that in mind as we build relationships with our clients, striving to earn their trust, at their pace.

If you’re ready to take a step in your attachment trauma healing journey, reach out. We are ready to help.